Chapter 22: Reckless Self

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I don't know what I planned on telling my coach next week, hell, I don't know what I planned on telling Double Dee in the next day. I need to do something to let go of the hell I carry, I need to do it for me, but most of all, I need to do it for Eddward. I drove past the school and saw all the guys getting ready on the field, some waved when they saw me pass so I just turned forward and gunned it. I knew damn well where I was going, and if they wanted to kick me off the team, it would only be the person I used to be that they will lose, and we all know that isn't much.


Eighty-six miles out of town, and down a never-ending dirt road, I reached the Old Forest Nook Cemetery, I haven't been here in ten years but I never doubted where I was heading through the maze of tombs.  There it is, old, already cracked, and on it scripted, "A Loving Mother, Wife, and Friend". 

My mother's grave. 

I immediately drop to my knees, tears already streaming down my face, "Mom, I made some really, really bad mistakes, and I need you to let me move away from them. I need to move on from everything I knew so I can be happy, truly happy. 'Cause I love a boy, Mom, I love Double Dee. You always said I should be friends with him, saying he is a nice boy and just a little lonely. Well, mom, you were right, he is a nice boy, but he isn't lonely anymore; I will never let him feel lonely ever again. I won't leave him mom, but...." I paused sniffing the snot that started to drip from my nose and wiped the tears off my face, "I gotta leave dad, I know you always had hope in him, but he isn't getting better. He is just going to drink himself away and I can't watch him do it. I am gonna call Oak Forest Rehab Center and have him admitted. I can care for myself from the bank account you left for me, I haven't touched a single cent yet, so all 1,000,450 is there. It's enough to last a lifetime for Double Dee and I." 

I kissed my hand and placed it on her grave, "This is me letting go, but I will never forget you Mom, I love you."

I looked down at my watch and noticed that I spent all day at the cemetery, Double dee is probably worried. 

I hopped on my bike, but before I moved I called the rehab center for them to pick up my dad, and sent a quick text to Double Dee.


****** 

I never want to leave this bed, I groaned. I'm getting lazy and lazier and I am okay with that... I should probably write that psychology paper... but the bed is so comfy...but it's due tomorrow...UGH FINE.

After arguing with myself I hurl my body out of bed and jumped in a hot shower, I know it's damaging to your skin, but it reminds me of Kevin, get it, cause he is hot... Okay I'm sorry, that was bad. I'm going to be the first to admit it, I've changed. However, my grades have not dropped and my sink isn't over filled with gross dishes, so I haven't changed too much, just don't include my bedroom in the evaluation, I like the sense of Kevin in it....hey! Where is kevin? Practice ending two hours ago! *BEEP**BEEP*

It's a text from Kevin

*Sorry babe, I had to catch up with an old friend. Can't wait to see you, Love Kev <3

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