Soft (eric//divergent)

Chapter 17

"I just can't believe you had sex with him," Kaci attempted to whisper, but her whisper was my normal voice. People surrounding us in the dining hall weren't really listening to our conversation anyway.

"Shh," I laughed at her. I popped a fry in my mouth, eyeing her suspiciously as I thought. "You and Morgan have done it though, right?"

"No," Kaci responded. "The farthest we've ever gotten is making out, and he touched my boob once," she sighed with a roll of her eyes.

I hid my laugh by turning to Britt. "Well, definitely you and JJ have."

The brunette looked at me like I was crazy. "Obviously."

I didn't realize this, but Kaci, Britt, and I never had any conversations like this before. Sure, we joked about liking someone and things like that, but I didn't know much about either of their relationships. But I'm glad now that I can compare mine to theirs because I'm new to the whole serious, more than a crush thing.

As I was taking a drink of my water I let my eyes wander up to the leaders table where Eric was just standing up. He looked at me, giving me a subtle smile before exiting the platform where the tables were. Just seeing him made me so incredibly happy, but also that stupid voice in the back of my head constantly came out.

You need to tell him.

I wanted to punch my conscious in the face, honestly, but deep down I knew it was right. I did need to tell him, but that, in worst case scenario, could get me killed. That sounded like it could be unlikely, but really, it's a pretty reasonable fear to have.

I've heard talk about many people who've died or 'disappeared', and continuously the talk was always that the person was divergent. The government's threatened by us, but they shouldn't have to kill us.

I was so concentrated on my thoughts that I didn't notice Britt leave, which just left Kaci and I. I sighed and looked at her.

"I feel bad."

Her blue eyes met mine as her dainty hands ripped a piece of chicken apart. She didn't respond until after she took a drink of milk. "Don't be. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Kaci," I groaned. That's not the answer I wanted, but then again, what answer did I want? What did I even expect her to say?

"I'm just saying." She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes looking down at her tray of food. "If you tell him now, he might not like you enough and kill you--"

"Hey!" I interjected, but I understood what she was getting at.

"Listen to me," she whispered, an actual quiet tone in her voice now. She leaned closer to the table. "I know you two are close, and I know you two like each other. But the thing is, Eric still is a cruel leader, and I feel like he would get rid of anyone. You're the one in a relationship with him, and when you feel ready tell him. But just not now."

"Lies--"

"They're not lies! They're secrets." She stopped talking. "Okay, that doesn't sound good either." If this wasn't such a serious topic I probably would've laughed at her. "I'm sure there's things he hasn't told you, and obviously you haven't told him everything. So what's the difference?"

I groaned quietly, knowing she was right. The only thing was that it seemed like a much more important thing.

"Oh no," I moaned out, letting my head slip down to hit the table in a very childlike manor. "One day, I told him I wasn't divergent." I raised my head to see Kaci frozen and her eyes looked like they were going to fall out of her head. "I didn't know though!" I defended. "It was like a day before I found out."