Lennon

A Letter

 to cece because she made me the fab cover.

 A Letter

 Practically everyone in Chasten who has eyes and/or ears,

I'm sorry for abruptly leaving in the middle of the night like this, I really am. By the time you read this, I’ll be long gone. I know I’m being rash, Aunt Sarah, but when the insomnia kicks in every night and the four a.m. thoughts begin to yell at you from all directions, you'd be amazed at just how much you need to leave everything behind in the dust.

            I had to leave all of you guys. It pains me, it really does, but it was the only thing left that I could think of that will save my sanity. Don’t gasp like that, Nina; you fully know just how crazy I’ve been acting since the day that it happened. It’s no surprise to any of you – y’all just haven’t dared to speak the word “crazy” out loud yet.

            All of the clothes I actually wear are packed and in my car as I write this in some cheap ass pen I found lying around on his old coffee table. The words are so permanent on this parchment; I can hardly believe that I’ll be gone before the sun shows up. It seems like I’m the heroine in some young adult novel, ready to find out her place in the world.

            It’s not like anything lasts forever (okay, maybe the inked words here will be but you catch my drift), so I’ll be back. When I’m good and ready, you’ll see my hideous Jeep once again. I have my cell phone with me anyways, so if anything happens, you’re all a button away. That’s not so bad for you guys, is it?

            Am I even making sense? It’s barely five a.m. and I’m in such a rush, I can’t be bothered to make sure everything in this letter is on point. Oh, and I know each and every one of you are wondering where a lost girl like myself will run off to before the crack of dawn on a Tuesday morning. Finally cracked under the stress and started smoking up all the joints I could afford off of my college fund for a living? Off getting a thousand tattoos to cover every inch of my tanned skin? If you want to be scandalous enough, maybe I got knocked up one drunken night when I couldn’t handle the voices in my head I talk so much about?

            I’ll leave it all up to your imagination.

            Okay, no I won’t because Grandma will tear me a new one if I left her hanging like that for God knows how long. Sorry, but I don’t know where I’m headed. I don’t have a destination with me, or even a map to hold in my hands (note to self: buy a map). I’m going to let the open road lead me because I know that when I’m not looking for it, the place I’m looking for will show up with a huge dot on my soon-to-be-bought map. There’s a place somewhere other than this small little Northern Californian town for me and I’ll find it, no matter how long it takes me.

            Plus, I’m eighteen now - I can survive on my own. I’ll be fine, I swear to God.

I love you all,

Lennon.