Just a Game

What Have I Done

Alice // chapter ten

I walked into the library with a grumpy attitude, because honestly, I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home, doing whatever the hell I would be doing. As I marched my way to where Jace usually waited for me, the librarian, a sweet-looking elderly lady, called me up.

I froze, shocked that she knew my name. "Me?"

She smiled at me. "Your name is Alice. Isn't it, dear?"

Slowly I nodded and gave her a small smile. "Is there a problem?"

She shook her head, grabbing my hand. "No. But someone left this for you," she said, putting a thin envelope in my hand before letting go of me.

I inhaled deeply, my eyebrows furrowing. "Do you know who?"

"No, I'm sorry. They strictly told me not to tell you," she said, still smiling at me like she didn't aid dropping another fucking bomb into my life. What is it with this town? They're all a bunch of drama queens.

I nodded. "Alright. Well, thanks anyway," I quickly mumbled before turning away and quickly walking to Jace and I's usual table. I wanted to open the envelope and read whatever was in it, but I assumed Jace was running a bit late and that he would be here any moment. I could read whatever was in the envelope after I'm done with Jace. Honestly, the faster we finished, the better. I didn't want to be near him for longer than I had to.

The weird thing is, though, he's usually here before me. Always. He's never late and never arrives after me.

So, in hopes that he would show up soon, I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.

I waited for a good hour, just sitting there like a damn idiot. I waited for nothing. He didn't show up. I realized then that he wasn't going to show up. Maybe this was a part of his game. Maybe he finally understood that I wasn't going to be one of his girls so he decided to fuck with me.

I let out a frustrated groan and quickly grabbed my phone.

To: Jace
Fuck you asshole. Don't ever talk to me again. Don't even come near me.

I sent it without thinking about it twice and grabbed my things before marching out the door and to my car.

My room was cold when I walked in. I was angry, frustrated and just sad. He was breaking me and I didn't know how to stop it. I wanted him to go away. I wanted whatever he and I had that day that week to go away. I just wanted anything that had to do with him gone.

I sniffed as I threw my shit on my bed and flopped down myself. A few moments later, my eyes caught the envelope the librarian had given me earlier and I stared at it for a split second before tearing it open like a mad woman.

Dear Alice,

This is weird because I hate letters and this is the first one I'm ever writing. But, I'm doing it because there's something you should know and this is the only way I could do it and still stay anonymous. To be clear, this is not Jace. He doesn't know that I'm telling you this. Actually, he doesn't know about a lot of things that are destroying him and his life. But that's a story for another time. I understand that you know of Tanya and Jace. Actually, who doesn't? But I also understand that you think he manipulated her and used her while she thought they were still dating. I also know that you think he kissed you because he wanted to use you as well. Let's put those thoughts to rest, because they're all not true. Tanya knows they're not dating. She manipulates him into him even being nice to her because he feels guilty. I shouldn't be telling you this, I honestly don't know why I am. But Tanya was pregnant in the beginning of the sophomore year while she was going out with Jace. She lost it a month later after Jace and she had gotten into a fight and she had gotten into a car accident. She wasn't hurt at all, but the baby died instantly. Jace always blamed himself for what happened that day and Tanya saw this as an opportunity to trick him into doing things for her that he doesn't want to. Actually, this one time I overheard him telling one of his friends that if he hadn't made her so angry that she had to leave, she wouldn't have gotten in that car accident and the baby would still be alive. I've never been so shocked and hurt for someone in my life. No one deserves to feel the way he does. Their argument wasn't even his fault.

I'm sorry, I'm getting all caught up in my feels about this because it's pure injustice. And no one even knows what really happened. There so much more, but I can't say it. It would cause so much trouble, but maybe one day I will tell you.

As to him using you, I may not be him, but I have seen the way he looks at you. Honestly, I'm not surprised Tanya felt threatened because damn the boy looked halfway in love with you. He's not using you, trust me. He's only been in one serious relationship and that's with Tanya. And as far as honest gossip goes, I know he's slept with a few girls but he's not a man-whore. Those girls knew what they were doing. There was no manipulation. He's a good guy. Scratch that. He's the best person I've ever met and I don't even know him that well. Please don't hurt him. I've seen the way he's been looking at you and just in general and I felt like I had to tell you the truth. He deserves better than this. I'm telling you this for him. Please don't give up on him like everyone has. I've always seen him give so much and get little to nothing in return. He deserves so much better. Please, I'm begging you, don't give up on him. Please.

Sincerely,
E

Please don't give up on him like everyone has? Shit.

The paper fell from my hands and I swallowed hard, frozen in my spot as my mind went over the past few days and my words to him.

He wasn't lying to me.

He wasn't trying to use me.

He wasn't cheating on Tanya with me.

There were no other girls.

I was a fucking judgmental bitch to him.

Oh my God, what did I do?

I pushed him away and blamed him for something he didn't do. I hurt him in the worst way possible when all he gave me was his trust and his honesty.

And I'd had the nerve to tell him that I didn't believe what he'd told me about his family? What the hell was wrong with me?

He was trying to get me to understand...oh God, what have I done?

I took in a deep breath and stood up, grabbing the letter along with my keys as I ran out the door faster that I have ever done.

Maybe it's not too late.