Just a Game

Schedules and Fits

Alice // chapter thirty-four 

T H E following day, I managed to conjure up enough will to push myself out of bed and into my car to drive to school. I, now, sat parked in the lot, watching as parents dropped off their kids and as students who drove parked, then proceeding to get out of their cars just to yell at each other across the lot like the idiots they are. 

Everything within me was numb, there was nothing that could make me feel, nothing that could make me react the way I used to. There was a blurry gray glass covering my iris, forcing me to watch the world through unfocused lenses that fought to keep me callous and off. Even worse, I didn't try to fight it off. Rather, I accepted it and willed it to do to me whatever it wished. 

A sharp knock on my windows woke me up from my daydream that was more aligned with a nightmare than a dream. I sniffed, turning to look at who was cruel enough to do that. 

Of course, it was Katie. With a wide smile and a cute outfit, she waved at me in a hyper speed, the excitement in her atmosphere almost giving me a whiplash as it contrasted with the darkness that surrounded me. 

I killed the engine, knowing that if I kept her waiting for any longer, I would never hear the end of it for the rest of the day. I pushed the car door open, immediately being brought into a tight hug that I could tell had a silent message underneath it. She was the first person I called after what happened yesterday, but she had gone with her parents to visit her aunt who'd just given birth. She almost came to my house to comfort me, but I turned her down, reminding her that family always comes first. 

She pulled back, her beatific face now flooded with worry. "How are you doing?"

I sighed and shrugged, not knowing what else to say. I felt nothing. My heart was shattered beyond redemption and my mind had forced itself to forget how to feel. "Fine."

She squinted her eyes at me, making it beyond obvious that she didn't believe me. "That's a lie and you know it."

I shrugged again, locking the car doors and moving towards the entrance of the school.

She must've realized that I left her behind because she was soon jogging up to catch me. "How about we get something to eat first? It wouldn't hurt us to miss Math and English for one day," she slightly panted, trying to lighten my mood. I knew that I shouldn't be a jerk to someone who truly cared about me. That's what broke Jace and I up in the first place. 

God. Even the thought of his name caused the tears to well up in my eyes. I bit my lip to distract myself, pushing the tears back and wiping off the ones that'd managed to escape. "It's fine, Katie. I can handle school."

Sighing as she probably realized that I wasn't backing down, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders while we walked through the doors. She was trying to comfort me, but every part of me wanted to push her away, to push her arms off. Truly, I wanted to be alone, to wrap myself up in my misery and to just let myself drown in nothing but the dull ache of the pain that had stricken all of me.

As we got to the hall where Ms. Weiss's class was, Katie's arms tightened cautiously. Partially confused, I looked up, but immediately wished I hadn't. Why didn't I just walk into class without bothering to look?

Jace and Tanya stood before the wall that separated the two classrooms, smiling and talking like the beautiful and perfect couple they appeared to be. 

The tears fell. There was no way I could hold them back. I stood frozen, halting even Katie as my eyes took the two in. The little strength I'd built up to get me through the day vanished into thin air, leaving me open and hopeless.