Just a Game

Look Where It Got Me

A/N: Happy Friday! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Btw, thank you so much for 21k; I freaked out when I saw it. Plus we got to #16 on the charts and I wanted to thank you guys for not only reading and sticking with me but for all that is happening with this book. I'll see you guys next week! Have a great one :)

Alice // chapter thirteen

I held him close, giving in to all the emotions that ran through me. As I gave into him, I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my cheeks. This moment was so beautiful, so indescribably breathtaking; I wanted it to last forever.

Maybe it was the way he was kissing me back, the way his arms were folded around me in a hungry manner. Maybe it was just the simple fact that he was kissing me back.

When we pulled away, my eyes immediately caught his and my heart lightened at the absence of his pain. "I'm sorry."

He seemed still caught up in a daze, his lips turned up into a small smile. "For what?"

"Kissing you," I quickly said, pulling away. "Was it okay?"

His smile widened. "Of course, it was; why wouldn't it be?"

I leaned back into my seat, coldness rushing over me as I detached myself from his warmth. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay with...this."

He tilted his head. "I guess I shouldn't be okay with whatever just happened," he looked to be thinking out loud, his voice monotone, "but I am."

I gulped. "So what does that mean?"

"What does what mean?"

"Where do we go from here, Jace?" I tried to elaborate but managed to somehow still remain vague.

He stared at me for a moment that seemed too long, his expression unreadable. "How about right where we left off?"

I sucked in a sharp breath. "Does that mean you trust me again?"

"Alice, trust is not an easy thing to gain."

"Meaning?"

He sighed, his eyes darkening. "Meaning no, I don't trust you."

"But if you don't trust me, how can we go back to where we left off?" I managed to ask.

He let out a soft chuckle and turned to gaze out the window. "I'm willing to try and trust you, Alice. But you're not giving me anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I huffed.

He was quick to respond to my defensive outburst. "It means you don't seem like you want to try and gain my trust. I can't just hand it to you, Alice. I did that and look where it got me, where it got us."

My defensive streak continued and subconsciously, I wanted to slap myself; I would've done anything to shut my big and irresponsible mouth up. Unfortunately, nothing worked. "You trusting me had nothing to do with what I did."

He turned to me with amused questioning eyes. "Really, because it was my trusting you that led me to spill parts of my past that many don't know. I gave you a part of me not because I wanted to get in your pants, but because I trusted you. I trusted you, Alice. And that's what led to all of this."

My eyes closed as he spoke and I leaned back into my seat, resting my head against the headboard. "I wish I could make up some excuse to make up for what happened, but I can't."

I heard him exhale softly. "I'm not asking you to make up an excuse to cover whatever happened this last week," he stopped speaking for a while and took in a sharp breath before speaking once more, but with a deepened voice this time, "I need you to look at me, Alice."

Swallowing hard, I did as he asked. I found him closer than I expected, his lips a few centimeters away from mine. However, his eyes were what caught my attention, as always. They looked at me with a sincerity I wasn't expecting and it nearly took my breath away. "What I'm asking you to do is to try; why is that such a hard request?"

"Because I don't know how to try, Jace," I muttered, "don't you get that? I've never been in this situation before. I've never had to try before."

I could see the desperation building in his eyes. "But you can learn. Why aren't you willing to try?"

I pushed away from him, feeling coldness wrapping around my heart. It was turning to stone and there was nothing I could do about it. "You don't trust me, Jace. What am I supposed to do, run circles around you until you magically do?"

"Trust is something you earn through hard work and dedication; it doesn't just fall out of the sky and into your lap," he noted keenly.

I was losing him and I knew it. Damn, did I know it? But I couldn't make myself stop. Years and years of loneliness that turned my heart bitter and cold and Jace was on the receiving end of it now. I needed to leave before I said anything more that could damage us.

"You trusted me the very first day you met me, giving me the book and all," I countered, "I'm pretty sure that pretty much fell out of the sky and into my lap, quite literally, actually."

"Alice, what are you doing?" He sighed, exasperated.

I raised my eyebrow. "What do you mean, what am I doing?"

"You're trying to push me away as if I did something wrong. You were literally begging for me to forgive you five minutes ago," he chuckled in a manner of solemnness. He'd pushed back into his seat now, his lips and good mood had long gone from my reach.

"I was not begging for anything," I argued, reaching for the letter and ripping it out of his hand.

"Yeah, you were and where are you going?" he asked, looking exhausted as my hands reached for the door handle.

I turned to look into his questioning eyes and I saw hints of the dark pain I'd seen earlier. I wanted to stay. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that I would try and try and try to regain his trust if it's that last thing I'll do. But my body was under the will of my subconscious and it was willing me to run away. "Away from here, Jace. Away from you."

He coughed-surely, out of surprise at my words and looked at me like I'd just slapped him. I might as well have, actually. "Did I miss something or was the past hour meaningless shit, because I'm confused."

"It wasn't meaningless, Jace," I whispered, shaking my head slowly as my eyes sank to my lap.

I felt his fingers lightly grasp my chin and turn my gaze up to meet his soft one. "Then stay. Help me help you learn how to fight for love. I'm still open for you, beauty. I just need you to give us a shot, just one chance. I want to show you what it's like to not be lonely, what it's like to have someone to call at any time, what it's like to hold the hand of someone you truly care about. I want to show you me, the real me, the one you caught a glimpse of before it all went rogue. And my trust for you can be rebuilt, but it requires for both of us to work hard. Can you do that?"

My lungs psychically shook inside my ribs and I thought I was going to pass out. I could feel the next words nearing my lips and I wanted to stop them, but I couldn't. My lips spazzed and I blurted out, "No."

I broke his heart again. I knew I did because I saw it flash before my eyes. Seconds later, his face hardened and I couldn't make out an emotion from him. He leaned away from me and into his seat, his eyes now focused on the outside world. "I guess bitches gon' be bitches, huh?"

Quite taken back and feeling like the breath had knocked out of me, I opened the car door and quickly got out. "Fuck you."

Before I slammed his car shut, I heard him say, "No thanks."