Grey

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten?! Holy hell.

In the following days of the miscarriage, I'd gotten at least eight calls from Grey and two more voice mails. Mom and Dad had excused me from school for the rest of the week, but I'd have to return Monday to take my exams. Ivy had checked up on me every now and again, but it was mostly to talk about when I was going to tell Grey. And how.

My mom had been super nice to me. She waited on me hand and foot, asked me how I was every few hours, and even woke me up in the night just to talk. This was probably the first traumatic thing to happen to us since the accident and I was hoping she realized that this was all a part of life.

“Are you hungry?” she asked, leaning on my door frame. I shook my head. I wasn't hungry. I was sad, tired, and mentally drained. I'd said barely a sentence since we'd gotten home. It was all too much.

When Rowan had died, I shut down like this. I'd lost a baby. I'd lost apart of me. And I know it's ridiculous to be this sad over a baby I didn't know I was pregnant with. But it was the fact that Grey and I had made that baby, and it was apart of him and me, and now it was gone. It never lived its life and it never had the chance to meet both of its parents.

I'd been wondering how things would have been if I told mom that I'd been secretly seeing Grey since the months after Rowan's accident. How mad would she of been if she had known?

“Violet,” she said, walking over and sitting on my bed. “You need to eat. I know you're upset, but I could make you some comfort food.” I shook my head again. Just leave.

She sighed and stood, but before she left she turned around. “Do you know who you...slept with at that party?”

My breath caught in my throat. I hadn't come up with a name. So I just lied as always. “Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's okay.” Without another word she left.

“It was Grey,” I whispered. I knew she couldn't hear it, but it felt sort of good to say it out loud.

The marimba tone started playing again. Grey. And to my surprise and probably to his, I answered. “Hello?” I whispered, shifting my weight down so I was almost hiding in the covers.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked, his tone angry and tight. I gulped.

“I've just been busy,” I lied, trying my best not to sound depressed and as if I had been crying for a week straight.

He laughed. “Too busy to return a fucking call? Are you mad at me?”

Sighing, I closed my eyes. I couldn't hadnle this. “What would I be mad at you for? Huh?”

“I wouldn't be surprised. You get mad at me for stupid shit all the time,” Grey retorted.

“Oh, so this is all about you now?” I asked. Two seconds on the line and I was already annoyed.

“Well, you haven't been returning my calls. For all I know you could have died.” We both knew he regretted those words as soon as he said them. He stuttered on the other end.

“Forget it Grey,” I said, my voice tight as I held back my tears. “Don't come here tonight.” And then I hung up the phone. Great. The month and a half that we spent getting along just went to shit.

I threw my phone across the room but thankfully it landed into my plush chair next to my closet. Mom and Dad probably wouldn't want to pay for a new iPhone especially since the medical bills were going to come soon.

For the first time since the hospital, I placed my hands onto my stomach and held them there. What if that baby was still in there? What if instead of being in the bathroom, bleeding and crying, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test? What if I had told Grey and then what if everything just magically fell into place? I dreamed big, that was for sure. It was as if I was burning holes into my lower abdomen and I dropped my hands onto the sheets beside me.

My phone rang from it's spot on the chair and then dinged twice notifying me I had a text message and a voice mail. I flicked it off and then got up, wincing. I was still a little sore but I slipped on some flip flops and ran my fingers through my hair. When I came downstairs my mom raised her eyebrows at me. “What are you doing up?”

I grabbed my keys from the bowl next to the door. “I'm going out,” I replied. When I stepped out the warm May air was like a blanket around me. My sweatpants suddenly felt too hot and I cursed at myself for not changing. When I got into my car and started pulling out of the driveway, I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

There it was. Rowan's headstone. This was the second time I had visited. A whirlwind of emotions hit me all at once. I blamed it on the miscarriage, but I knew that most of it was real. I stalked over and carefully took my time sitting the grass. The words: Rowan Miller, beloved son and the dates stared at me. I didn't expect to cry.

I threw my face into my hands and began sobbing, the tears building up in my palms. “I'm sorry,” I said to no one and then uncovered my eyes to look back at the headstone. “I just can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do.”

If Rowan was here right now, he'd be wrapping an arm around me. He'd be telling me that it was all okay and that he was there for me. But he wasn't. He was six feet underground and there was nothing I could do about it. “I can't live like this, Ro. Mom and Dad would never give Grey a chance and I just almost had his baby! I-I...” I fumbled all my words.

As I wiped away a tear and read the words on the headstone over and over again I realized that you do only live once. All I had was right now. Did this mean I was going to burst through the door and tell Mom the truth? Not exactly. It just meant I was going to try harder. “I'm sorry. I love you, Ro. I miss you.”

Finally a moment where Violet breaks down due to her brother and not because of Grey. I'm writing more chapters now, stay awesome you guys. xx