destruction

remember his words

    "are you sure you don't want me to drive you back?" julian asks me while starting his car.

"nah," i reply. "i think i'm just gonna drive for a bit."

"okay, sweetheart."

i give him one last kiss before he pulls out of the driveway and disappears. 

i stand in the middle of the road watching his car fade into the morning fog. 

my emotions overcome me once again, and my legs get weak.

 i know everything is going to be okay. we will be okay. 

i get into my car to start heading back. 

i wipe my eyes and start the car. as i look into the rear view mirror i see the little key chain hanging below.

 i smile, just a little at first. 

but my smile grows bigger as more memories pop into my head. 

the smile soon turns into a giggling mess. 

i pull out of the driveway and just start driving. who knows where i'm headed, where i'll end up. 

i think right now i will let it all ride without allowing it to drive me crazy.

~~~

                 it's quite nice to have that guidance in life at times. 

though there are times i look up for guidance it's nice to have someone that brings more peace than pain. 

sometimes i like to think he is my peace.

 other times i tell myself that he's the reason i am able to conquer the challenges in life. 

i do love him, and i tell myself every day. 

there are certain people in this world that you truly cannot live without. when you meet these people, you instantly feel like there is something pulling you together.

 for me it was almost like it wasn't supposed to happen.

 but then again i remember that everything happens for a reason.

 i met someone so amazing, so incredibly amazing. 

so many differences, but at the same time so many similarities. 

i can't understand why we met. 

i think about it for nights at a time.

 there is nothing special about him. nothing that makes him more extraordinary from all the others. 

but i think i have figured out why. 

he is my happiness.

 my true and complete happiness. 

god, the way he makes me smile...i didn't think it was possible for me to ever feel that way again. 

he is very beautiful.

 i could spend the rest of my life looking into his eyes.

 i didn't think it was possible for someone like me to even talk to someone like him.

 but somehow, it happened. 

and i am so glad it did.

~~~

hours go by and i continue to drive. 

the music blasts through my ears and into my bones, the beat pulsates throughout my body.

 the air thumps along to the beat of the drums. 

my mind gets to it's happy place. 

the thoughts that once sent shivers down my spine now give me hope. 

everything is in it's right place.

 i miss him, so very much. 

at times when i start to feel scared i look up at the little chain hanging from my mirror and remember his words.

someday, someday. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

i couldn't help but get emotional while writing the last words in this.

i truly love how this story turned out.

i hope to write more in the future..

i am starting a new one - the diary of a lost soul

check it out if you'd like:) 

xox