I Know | Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama

11

Demi

Wilmer left two weeks ago, and true to his promise, the only contact I had with him was from his lawyer. They sent divorce papers, but they were still scattered on the floor after I dropped them when I realized what they were. I didn't even fully read them, and I'm not signing them. There's no way I can sign my marriage away. I know what I did was horrible, but I need him to forgive me. I can't live without Wilmer.

Marc has called me a ton of times, but I haven't answered any of his attempts to contact me. Eventually, I guess he got the hint and stopped calling. I wasn't even worried about what he would do, I just wanted to try and fix Wilmer and I. I guess I should've been more careful.

~*~

DEMI LOVATO'S SEXY AFFAIR LEADS TO BITTER DIVORCE

WILMER VALDERRAMA HEARTBROKEN AFTER HEARING ABOUT WIFE DEMI LOVATO'S AFFAIR!

DEMI AND WILMER: THE EPIC LOVE STORY COMES TO AN END

MARC SERGENT SPEAKS OUT ABOUT HIS AFFAIR WITH DEMI LOVATO

My phone didn't stop ringing, but I just laid in bed, staring at the wall. The things people were saying about me, were horrible; but true. I deserved everything they were tweeting and commenting. Wilmer was staying quiet, but it didn't matter. Our silence confirmed the rumors and fueled the flames. I just laid there, my eyes now unable to produce tears because I'd been crying so much already. Somewhere downstairs, I heard the door open, but I couldn't summon the will to see or call out who it was. the footsteps came to my bedroom, and the door opened, but I just kept staring at the ceiling. The bed shifted, and the scent of Kilian cologne hit my nose. Wilmer. I closed my eyes, not wanting to speak in fear of him leaving. Eventually though, as the minutes passed, I couldn't stand the silence.

"What are you doing here?"

Wilmer took a deep breath, and his fingers laced with mine, "You shouldn't be alone right now. You're not in a good place. What they're saying about you... it isn't true Demi. You're not a bad person. You made a mistake, people make mistakes. That doesn't make them bad people."

"Did you change your mind about getting divorced?" I knew better than to get my hopes up.

He hesitated, "No... You made a mistake, but that mistake destroyed any trust I had in you. I'm here to make sure you don't hurt yourself, not to tell you I don't want to get divorced."

I squeezed my eyes shut as a fresh round of tears came. I let go of Wilmer's hand and curled into a ball on my side, my back to him. A loud sob left my mouth, and I didn't bother stifling it.

"Demi..." He murmured, pulling me over to him so I could worm into his arms, "Don't cry."

"I can't help it." I choked out, "I hate myself. I hate myself so much because of what I did to you."

"Don't do that." He whispered, "Don't hate yourself." Wilmer rubbed my back gently, "If I don't hate you, you're not allowed to hate yourself. It's a rule."

I sniffled loudly and pushed my face into his neck, "You should hate me. You're just too damn nice to not. I want you to hate me."

Wilmer shook his head, "Being nice has nothing to do with it. I still love you, I've loved you for eight years. That doesn't just go away. I don't want to see you crying or hurting, because that hurts me. I don't want you to be in pain. I'm past the angry stage now."

"What stage are you in now?"

He took a deep breath, "Confusion... and denial. I don't know how to explain it. This morning I woke up and for just a few seconds it was like nothing happened, and we were still us, then reality hit me and I really woke up."

I sighed, "I know what you mean. It's like everything's good until you turn over and realize you're in cold sheets and there's no one laying next to you."

He hummed and I felt his arms tighten around me, "Have you spoken to him? Marc?"

I shook my head, "I cut all ties with him, that's why he went public."

Wilmer growled, "God I want to hit him."

I smiled softly, "Please do. The tabloids would have a fucking field day."

He shrugged, "If I ever see him in person I will. There's no way I'd be able to restrain myself."

"It's my fault really." I whispered, "I made the choice to have an affair."

"But he knew you were married. You were vulnerable, and he wormed his way in. That's an asshole move and I'm going to make sure he never tries to pull it again."

"Can you kick his ass tomorrow or something? I don't really want to move." I said, snuggling tighter into him for emphasis.

"Sure." He chuckled, "I'm pretty comfortable too."

In that moment, my exterior walls broke and I began to sob again, fisting Wilmer's t-shirt as I let out a sound that was half moan- half scream and my shoulders started to shake. He sighed deeply and kissed my temple.

"Shhh Demi, calm down."

"I can't sign those papers." I sobbed, "I can't do it. It's all I have left."

He rubbed my back, "I haven't signed them yet either."

I lifted my head, now just hiccuping as tears flowed down my cheeks, "W-What?"

Wilmer nodded, "I haven't signed the divorce papers yet. Like I said... I'm in the denial stage. I've picked up the pen and sat down and read them dozens of times, but I can never sign them."

I sighed, "I don't want to get divorced."

"I know you don't. Demi... do you think I wanted this? Do you think I'm doing this because I want to? If the circumstances were different... if it had been just one time... maybe things would be different. But you slept with him for five months. You slept with him on our wedding anniversary. While our marriage was falling apart you jumped in bed with him. Don't you realize how that makes me feel? Don't you realize how shitty that is? You were my world- Fuck, you still are! I don't know how to get you out of my head you don't understand. It's like I can't let you go, but holding you close hurts too much. I can't stay married to you. You hurt me too bad this time."

I closed my eyes and let my head fall to his chest, "I love you."

Wilmer took a deep breath, "I love you too."

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-Rachel