Letting Lily Go

Chapter 2: Goodbye My Love,( And Nemesis)

"Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting." 

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan 

Severus Snape was never one to get emotional. Never show emotion,or at least true emotion, it's a sign of pure weakness. The only time he ever couldn't control his emotions was when the headmaster and his mentor,Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore gave him grave news one Hallows Eve.

Flashback

"What do you want Dumbledore?"asked a very annoyed Snape. He was sitting in the headmaster's office and neither of them have said a word in over an hour. Dumbledore looked Severus in the eye for the first time mournfully.

"It's Lily, isn't it,sir?"Snape half stated and half asked the weary old man.

Yes Severus, my boy. I am afraid Voldemort as killed both her and James tonight. I'm so sorry. I know how much you cared about . Lily was simply your best friend"Answered the headmaster quietly.

That's when Snape completely lost it. "No you don't know how I feel about Lily, and don't pretend that you do. I love Lily but,she chose that idiot Potter. Lily Elizabeth Evans was the only person I have ever truly knew about my father.  The only one I could trust. She was the only one who ever cared about me in my youth.My ONLY TRUE FRIEND EVER! She could read me like a book. The only thing that Lily Evans didn't know was my true affection for her."Snape yelled and stopped to catch his breath.

The thought of Lily dead hurt. He loved her and wanted to die himself. In his mind he had nobody worth living for anymore. She was his life,his savior, she was always there for him and Snape couldn't protect her. He wanted to hex Dumbledore for not protecting her like he said he would. "I asked you one thing Albus Too-Many-Names Dumbledore, was too save protect her at all costs and in return I would spy for the Order. I will still spy out of duty, but you owe me Albus. Big Time."Snape said slightly angry and completely lost. Lily 's death was after all, all Severus's fault. He told Voldemort the prophecy. He failed Lily. He signed his true loves death warrant. For that he can never forgive himself.

Snape endured mass amounts of pain and risked exposure for Dumbledore. He risked it all for the man who was like an actual father to him since his actual blood could never do the job. Snape never had luck with love, even when that love was familial. He did this all for Albus(and Lily).The only thing that has kept him sane over the years was the knowledge that Lily was safe. He would die for Lily, but never got the chance to prove himself worthy.

Albus at least cared for a bit for Snape. His father just beat him while Albus did not. But it Albus really cared about him would he be toying with his life like this? Having him betray the Dark did this willingly, thinking it was protecting Lily when in reality it was all in vain. Lily's dead and all his hard work was for nothing.

Luckily, he was not known to be a spy thankfully but if anyone thought he ever was betraying the Voldemort. He kept good appearances and will have to still do it now or risk being exposed. He did this by not being kind to Gryffindors, and favoring the very house the man they war shipped came out of. Voldemort has killed loyal servants for just thinking of betrayal and there Snape was telling The Dark Lords plans to his worst enemy at the moment.

Severus suddenly raised his wand. Albus ducked thinking he was going to be hexed. He inwardly actually scared the old man,the best wizard of our time. Instead of hexing him,Snape preformed the patronus charm. Snape struggled to conjure his patronus for the first time in 12 years. His happiest memory had been of him and Lily sitting by the lake in 3rd year. Talking just talking.

 Thinking of Lily made him somewhat sad but he has to get through it. He eventually got enough strength to conjure his patronus. A doe raced around Dumbledore's office. The same size and shape of Lily's patronus. This shocked Dumbledore. Rarely ever had two people had the exact same patronus. Only true sole mates would have them. "How long Severus?"he asked dumbly knowing a patronus rarely never changed, but it changes with major change in the person.

"Always" answered Snape.

End Flashback

"I failed. I truly failed. The one thing he asked was to keep his love safe. And I couldn't do it."Dumbledore stated and started weeping into his hands.

Fawkes cried mournfully and started to trill a sad tune. Phoenix Tears had healing powers, and no matter how much Fawkes cried he couldn't fix this one. He couldn't bring Lily Potter nee Evans back.

Flashback

Severus ran out of Dumbledore's office felt tears starting to well up in his eyes. No,don't cry now. You have to focus. Focus or be blown to smithereens. Normally Snape would have put up his occlumency shields, but in his panic he didn't want to bother. The longer he waited the farther he might be from Lily. He ran to the apparation point and apparated straight to Godric's Hallow. To Lily and James Potter's home. He saw the dark mark in the sky and knew that this was not one of Dumbledore's twisted jokes. They really are dead. 

Severus's mind briefly went to Harry, Lily's son. He was most certainly dead just like his parents. The devil had won, and Severus helped the dark smother the light. Voldemort finally succeeded in his plans to slowly take over the world, and destroy the happiness of what once was. 

Snape walked into the Potter's home and saw the door was blown to bits. He walked up the stairs and saw James Potter,his life long enemies body on the thought that he should be happy that his childhood tormentor is finally dead and gone, but he wasn't. He actually sort of regretted not ending his feud with the Potter, but what is done is done. There is no fixing this. James and Lily, one demon and my angel are gone for good. I hated Potter ,but I owe James Daniel Potter. He saved my life after all. James was a jerk,but at least he eventually grew up.

James was a good man while Severus was a Death Eater. Yeah, I have the mark and worked as a spy, but once you have the mark there is no backing out but,that didn't make him a bad person did it?No Severus T Snape isn't a bad person. He made bad choices ,but we all have made choices we regret.

Severus said goodbye to James and promised him he would repay his debt to him somehow even if it meant actually being civil with the other Marauders. Snape winced at the thought. Remus Lupin he could deal with but,in no way was he ever going to be kind to Sirius Black. Too much history, and too many bad memories.

Snape was grateful that James saved his life even though they weren't friends. He would repay his debt to James somehow and then he can go on and hate the man's memory in peace. After a quiet farewell and moment of silence in remembrance of James, he swiftly stepped over the elder Potter not prepared for what he was to find.