Letting Lily Go

Chapter 8 Part 5: Hallows Eve

It has been one full year since I lost my love. One year before my best friend went to another life in the heavens above. One full year since she and her husband left there child an orphan,scared and alone. One full year and I still miss her just as badly as I did when I found out she was dead.

Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer and you long to see them more. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart.

There memory is scared onto your brain and you feel guilty. Guilty for there death. Guilty for letting them go. You feel guilt because it's been too long since you really missed them last and you feel guilty for almost forgetting them. I know I shouldn't feel guilty ,but I know I am at least partially responsible for her death.

I told the Dark Lord, who I feel stupid for following, the prophecy. Maybe if I never told him she wouldn't be gone, and I wouldn't be so alone.

I still love Lily even though she is gone. I don't think I ever will stop loving her. Her memory is ingrained in my brain and is like a scar to my heart. Her loss is a wound that won't heal. I'm not sure if I ever want it to heal either. I fear that if it heals I will forget her. She is a scar that at the slightest word will bleed again. I never want to forget my friend because she is the only person, after my mother's death that actually cared for me.

I am glad that Albus let me stay in my quarters this year. I think he knew that this would be tough for me. Everyone else is celebrating while I'm mourning my friend. It is the day of the dead after all. The veil is thin, muggles, and dark creatures creep in the night. Yes, This is Halloween.

"Couldn't she have died at a more convenient day?" I though sarcastically.

Her death would never have been convenient and she just happened to die on a day of celebration here in the world of wizardry. She was my best friend and I wish she never would have died. I thought she would be immortal. She was my immortal,my guardian angel. Her death would never be convenient.

I sit in my room drinking fire-whiskey. I try and numb the pain. I try to forget my sorrows. It didn't work of course and in all honesty it made things even worse. I thought it would help,but Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when I actually felt it. Drinking made me remember. It relaxed my emotions and I cried. She's gone.

She's really gone. I'm not sure if I can let her go, but I have to. I lost her once to James and now I can't lose her. I might have to lose her though to keep my sanity. I heard once though that the insane do have more fun and sanity is over rated anyways. Take Albus for example. He's almost insane, but he is one of the most respected and loved wizards of our time.

I am flooded with memories of Lily. Our childhood. How she was the only one that mattered. She made me laugh. She also made me cry. Why Lily? Why did you have to care so much? Why did you have to be so friggin' good all the time? Why did you have to make loosing you hurt this much?

Albus came in at what I guess was the end of the feast. The children were back in there common room. I went to go check on my snakes, but Albus stopped me.

"There all fine. I just checked on them. They will be in bed soon. They are all chatting away and happy but stuffed with sweets. How are you doing my boy?" Said Albus.

"Thanks Headmaster, but it really should have been me since I am there head of house. As for me I'm fine Albus. Even though I have been better." I said respectfully.

Albus puts his hand on my shoulder and sighed. " It will get better. The pain will lessen. The pain lets you know that you are still a man. Trust me, I know what your going through." Said Albus

I doubted that he understood, but I learned over the years to trust the crazy old coot. I still feel alone and like I'm the only person that feels this down about losing them. "How Albus? You can't understand. You just can't." I say.

"I do my boy. I do. I lost my sister and she was kind and pure. She was shy and cared greatly for me. Her death crushed me. It's okay to cry. In time things will heal. I know I'm healing." Explained Albus

"I'm sorry Headmaster." I said, not knowing what to say, I'm not good with sentiments, and we are getting into touchy territory.

"It's alright my boy. That was a long time ago." Said Albus trying to be comforting.

______\\\\\'mmthrriaSh;)7:),:6,5$;

Later that Night

Walking around the castle for a midnight snack. What can I say, even professors get hungry.

Headed towards the kitchen, for some cake, and chicken. When I get emotional I somehow lose the ability to swallow, so now I am starving.

I go to the kitchen and the annoying little house elves scurry around me. Yes I'm a person, and supposedly their master, but I'm not in the mood. Why can't they just let me get my damn food, and then they can do their other necessary duties.

I grab a bag of assorted pastries and a chicken leg, and before I go back to my rooms I spot something, or should I say someone familiar.

A twitching tabby tail followed by a pair of sparkling yellow eyes. Coat black as ebony, hidden in the mask of darkness.

"Jinx? " I say aloud

"Dad?" Thinks Jinx

" So this ones yours?" Asks McGonagle.