Coffee

A d d i c t

Dear Ian,

I've learned that addiction to coffee isn't such a bad thing. Henry is addicted to alcohol and Ethan is addicted to sex. Both of these guilty pleasures ruin so many things for the both of them. So many opportunities crushed. Henry came back and he looked happier than ever. Instead of his usual uniform, he wore a black pinstriped button up shirt, and a pair of blue jeans.

'Cheers.' He rose up his glass of rum with a grin on his face.

'What are we cheering to?'

'My last day of drinking. No more after this.'

'What an occasion. I'm proud of you, Henry. I knew you could do it.' Let me tell you Ian, he fooled me good. When he said those words to me, it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was so happy that I didn't have to pass him death in a pretty small glass. It made me feel like I was helping him die. The next day he sat in the exact same spot, crying and drinking once again.

'Want me to add this one on your tab too?' I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice because after all, he was a customer.

'Growing up, did your mother have a swear jar?' He slurred with sad puppy eyes, dilated from the hard liquor.

'Yes, why do you ask?'

"Well, in my AA meetings we have a literal swear jar where we swear to never drink again and throw in this beer cap. If you break your promise, you just throw one in again and try to try again... As if it were that easy. After a few weeks, you see the jar and usually it's so packed that you can't even put on the lid. It lets us know that we're not the only ones suffering because we want to be healthy but can't. We're not the only disappointments.'

My father went to AA meetings because of a DUI. The funny thing is, he would come home with a pamphlet full of advice on how to recover, throw it in the trash, and just get drunk again. I can't imagine my father talking about his feelings with a bunch of strangers with the same issue as him but I wonder if he ever talked about me.

With Love,
A Very Sad Dawn :(