Here Comes the Sun | ✓

Chapter Forty-One - Liam

Chapter Forty-One - Liam

Winter

Jenny and I are on her computer at Cornelia's during one of her days off (which before today, I didn't know those existed), staring at three different applications... for college.

"You have this, Liam, I promise," Jenny tells me as she stares at the computer with me. The essay is incomplete, but there are ideas for the prompt I've chosen.

I don't pay attention to much around me, but when Jenny's cold hand lies on top of my hand to stop the drumming of my fingers against the tabletop, my hand jerks back at her touch instinctively. Even when I see the dejected look on her face, I can't seem to regret my actions.

But she continues to hold her hand out for me to take from across the table, her green eyes watching me expectantly as she waits for my response. "It's okay to be nervous," she murmurs, and I'm tempted to meet her gesture but something inside me twists and I can't make myself to.

I pretend I don't see her outstretched hand and run my fingers back through my nonexistent hair. I shake my head at the stupid nervous habit of mine and remember how I shaved nearly all of my hair off after Libby's call that day.

"I'm not nervous anymore," I try to say casually, but it comes out more as a sigh. "I'm just tired of this place."

Jenny retracts her hand from the table almost as if I slapped it away, but I can't find myself to be sorry for what I said. I am tired of this place. "Well," she says, defeated. "I guess it's clear now."

I look up from the damned coffee-cozy and meet her gaze. "What is?"

She purses her lips and does a one-shoulder shrug. "You're not interested."

"I-" but I stop. What am I going to say anyways? Yes, I am? That would be a lie. No, I'm not. That would be another one. "That's not it."

Her lips twitch into an almost-smile. "I know."

"Then..." I drag out the word, confused as to what she's trying to tell me.

"You're stuck." I don't need her to spell this statement out for me. I'm stuck... with her.

"Yeah." I roll my lips inside my mouth and resist the urge to dig into my pocket for my cigarette box.

She tilts her head to the side and gives me a sincere smile. "It's okay to miss her. I mean, it'll hurt, but it's better than running away from it all." I stare at her, trying to process all of this. "You can't run away from your feelings, Liam. It's not right."

"Then what do I do?" I ask. My heart is beating erratically because of us just talking about her. How am I going to react if I actually see her again?

Another one-shoulder shrug; another almost-smile. "Call her."

I huff out a bitter laugh. "I can't."

"Find a way. I know there is one."

Shit, I think. There is one. My voice is shaking when I say, "Can I borrow your cell?"

*

I'm on my ninth call when he answers.

"What the hell do you want?"

"It's Liam," I say, trying to stay calm despite the raging words I have to say to him after all these months. The sharp wind blows past me and I'm tempted to run back inside Cornelia's, but I know that this is the type of call that others shouldn't witness.

"Oh," Cal says, almost sounding more annoyed. "You finally wanna hear your parents' sob story?"

Sob story? I try to swallow any shouting that could be involved and say, "No. I'm here about Libby."