Protected (Barba x reader)

Chapter 11

   The doctor came to get Liv and me. He had a broad grin and a metal clipboard in his hand. I hopped out of my seat and walked towards him. Liv did the same, but not as fast as I did.

"She's doing well," he said, "The reason she snapped was from high levels of stress and shock. She is conscious."

I walked into the room to see her. She was grinning broadly and looked more alive. She must have been terrified.

"Y/n?" I called her name.

"Rafael," she reached for my hand.

Liv wasted no time getting to questions. Whether she would like to have admitted it or not, she has grown as little cold over the last few cases, "So explain."

•

I started to tell them my story, "Clark came up
to me after I had run out of Carisi's room. He was so nice to me and offered lunch. I accepted, and we went to his car. I texted Barba once I was in the car. I told him that I was going to lunch with Clark. I turned to look at Clark and all I saw was a gun. He takes my phone and threatens my life as well as Carisi. He said he would finish the job. I agreed to go with, and he took me to Slyvia's, the bar where Barba and I had our first date. Afterwards he led me to a cab, and the cab driver, Romeo, drove me back to the hospital. I was told to wait in the parking lot and would be killed if I didn't."

   I was trying to get my story out so fast. Liv gave me a cold stare and Rafi clenched his fists. Liv has been doing this so long that I would expect her to not react. There has been worse situations for others. I'm lucky I wasn't killed. Those other girls didn't get to live; why should I?

"This van showed up and three men grabbed me and took me into the van. They drugged me. When I came to, one was talking about me. He touched me, but another one jumped in to say that only the boss could touch me. I kept my eyes shut for the rest of the ride. We soon arrived at some abandoned lot. Clark got the men to leave. He dragged me into the building and tied me up. It was so dark. I couldn't see anything in front of me. I felt Clark's hands touch me. He started to say insane things and wasn't making any sense. You called Barba! He answered and left soon after you called. I screamed with all my might for help. A couple had stopped for me. T-they died for me!"

I went into as much detail as I could. It was a blur. I never wanted to remember those memories. I sat on the corpse of a woman who only wanted to help. Her husband never forgave me. That guilt was weighing on me. I just wanted some water. I wanted my bed, snacks, and Rafi holding me in his arms.

"Thank you," Liv said, "I'm sure that once the lab examines the evidence, your story will prove to be true."

She walked out of the room. Barba leaned over me, "I love you. You will not be going to jail or even to trial."

"Are you sure?" I began to panic, "What if the lab-"

"Shh," he whispered, "It's going to be okay."

That phrase did not phase me. I did not believe Rafi like I did so many countless times. I just wanted to end it all and kill myself. How could I be so pathetic? I completely depended on Rafi to help. I got Alexis and AJ killed. I couldn't even blame Clark for anything. It was I that ran out of that room! It was I that ignored all the signs Clark was giving off! It was I who never tried to fight and was a coward! How could I live with myself? How could I love myself? How could Rafi or anyone for that matter love me? I was a murderer.

I broke down in tears, "I don't want to do this anymore Rafi! I don't want to live! I'll just plea guilty. I can't take it!"

Rafi moved away from me, "Y/n, how could you say something like that?"

I exploded, "You don't know what torture this is! If Alexis and AJ had never met me, they would be growing old together! Those other girls didn't get to live! Carisi got shot because of me!"

Barba narrowed his eyes, "Yes, they all had something horrible happen to them. God dammit, Y/n, I love you. I don't how much I have to say it before you realize that I am always here. I have spent four years of my life with you. And look, nothing really horrible has happen to me, other than losing you. However, I have you back!"

I turned to him with a mixture of emotions, "I don't know if I can believe you."

"Try," he bent down to kiss me.

   Everything disappeared. It was as if I was floating in some other realm. My sense of reality was slowly coming back. I'd never been one for incredibly cheesy things, but this felt so right.

"I will," I broke the heated kiss and hugged him tightly.

He hugged back. I was finally in a bed in his arms. Not one I would prefer but close enough.