Married to a SASAENG FAN

~Chapter seven~

"Umma!!!" I watched on a corner as Jiae wail in sorrow.I couldn't do anything...I was useless!

"I'm so sorry umma!!! I will listen to you! I will work harder and give you a warm hug everyday so open your eyes,huh? Please umma!!!"

"Jiae-ssi! Please go out! You can't be here right now." Jiae didn't listen and flip the table over,spilling all the liquid and medicine "Calm down ma'am." The other nurses took ahold of her.

"Calm down?! Do you want to lose your parents?! So you would know what I'm feeling?" She fell on her knees,mumbling her mom's name.

I closed my eyes and cover my ears,not wanting to witness what was happening....I couldn't even say sorry to Jiae...I can't approach her...cause I couldn't save her mom.

"Rest." Taehyung held my hand and bring me inside NamJoon's room.The guy is currently on the rooftop with Jin.

"That was brave of you." I felt Taehyung sat next to me,ruffling my hair.

I look at him with my swallowing eyes "But...But she died Taehyung.I-I couldn't save her." I cried harder,burying my face into my palm but Taehyung reached out for me.He hugged me while patting my back.

"You did all you could.You're not a god ChanHyun.You can't save everyone's life." His soothing voice rang into my ears but my heart still felt so heavy "Stop crying,ok?" He cup my cheeks,wiping my tears with his thumb.

I nodded my head,sniffling but my tears still flows out of my eyes.Even Taehyung can't comfort me...

"Ani...why are you so affected by her?" He asked,putting his hand down as if he realized something new "You just met her today.I bet nurses see more dead people than armies do.You're so weak."

What a rude person Kim Taehyung is! I frown at him but no counterattack came out of my mouth.

Jiae's crying image flashed right before me and it really wrecked my heart...Maybe it's because I can see myself in her....I was around her age that time too...

"I'm so sorry Mrs.Kim!" I cried,kneeling down on the ground with my head on her bed "I'm so sorry!"

"ChanHyun! We told you! You can't be here!" My uncle pull me up,dragging me out of the morgue "Calm down ChanHyun!"

"Calm down?! How can I?! Mrs.Kim died because of me! She's gone!" I cried then ran next to Mrs.Kim's dead body "Please wake up.I will do anything.I will take my medicines everyday...I won't be a brat.I'll be a good girl so please..." I cried even harder,squeezing all the water out of my eyes.

"ChanHyun-ah~" this time I felt my dad's warm arms around me "She's not coming back.She died but it isn't your fault." He cooed.

"But it is! She got hit instead of me! She gave her heart to me! I killed her!" I wail,hugging my dad back.

"Ani ChanHyun-ah~" He hug me tighter,comforting me "It's not your fault.It's not your fault."

Even though Appa keep repeating that it's not my fault...no matter how I reassure and make myself believe that i didn't kill her....deep inside me...I still felt like I'm a killer...she sacrificed herself for a child like me...

"Why did you become a nurse?" Taehyung ask,bringing me back to reality "Do you like hospitals? Cause I don't."

I look at him and smile sadly "It's not that I like hospitals Taehyung-ah.It's because I'm returning a favor...more like paying for something." Mrs.Kim's smile flashed in my mind as I lean my head on Taehyung's shoulder "I'm sorry I cried earlier...you're right.I was weak...I'm scared of death Taehyung-ah...I'm scared of losing something so I don't even want to have something I'll treasure." Just like you Taehyung-ah...but it's already too late...I know I'll suffer the moment I met you again...I know that but I'm ready to take the risk and feel the pain...cause I love you even before you knew I was ChanHyun....way before you knew I exist in this world...