Damaged Goods. (A Harry Styles Fanic)

Chapter Eighteen

Feeling the palm of his hand slowly trace intricate circles above her knee, Lola felt a heavy pit of paranoia in her stomach. Zayn was oblivious to it, staring blankly at the TV but he didn't know any different. He pressed a couple of light barely there kisses onto her shoulder as she sat comfortably on his lap.

"You alright babe?" he asked, causing Lola to smile inwardly. She usually hated being called babe, especially since Harry often used the name when he was being crude or sarcastic with her, and it just made her feel patronised and cheap. But she liked it when Zayn said it softly, instead it made her feel special and not worthless.

"Yeah....just..." Lola's sentence trailed off as she felt Zayn's hand over the recently wounded patch of her thigh. She felt the slight sting and jumped up from his lap, in any attempt to prevent him feeling or finding her cuts.

"Er I-I'm thirsty!" Lola said suddenly, scratching her head as she tried to divert him from wondering what was suddenly wrong with her. His features relaxed and he let out a small chuckle, getting up from his bed and planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Be back in two" he said, going off downstairs to fetch drinks. Lola rolled her eyes to herself once he'd left at how stupid she made herself sound and look. What was she thinking? Letting him so close to her, hands on her body, roaming around to dangerous zones. She felt comfortable around him but not that comfortable. Not yet. Lola wishes she had the courage to confide in Zayn about her self harming but she simply didn't.

Lola flopped backwards onto the mattress, curling her knees up and wrapping her arms around her shins. Zayn re-entered the room with two full cold glasses, placing them on the side. 

"Thanks"

"So...tell me" Zayn started as he sank back into his bed, crossing his ankles and bending his ams to rest behind his head casually. "How is it living with Styles?"

Lola's mind drifted back to the other night. She felt sick thinking about how much of herself she'd exposed to Harry, and how she'd let herself go. She thought about how much weakness she showed to him, and how awful she felt afterwards. But she also remembered what he said to her.

"Look what you've done to yourself"

"I don't care"

"I fucking do, how could you do this?"

At the time Lola was too distressed to comprehend his words, but did Harry actually care about the damage he witnessed on her body? Or was he just saying these words to stop her going too far, or causing havoc in his bathroom? It could have been either but one thing was for sure; he really wanted her to stop what she was doing. And in some ways she was thankful for his interruption that night.

"And how are you coping without your Mum?" Zayn asked, givng Lola a sympathetic look. He knew it must have been a slightly sensitive subject but he wanted Lola to feel like she could tell him how she felt. He didn't want her to hide away her thoughts and feelings around him but he couldn't help think that's what she was used to doing with everyone.

"Fine. I don't need her, and as for Harry..." Lola started, flipping a wave of hair back from her face "He isn't the most.....fun....person to live with-"

"I know he likes to tease you Lola.." Zayn grinned, chuckling at how serious Lola took Harry's games. 

He'd seen it at school before, such as in the library that time when they found out their parents would be living together. Harry was winding Lola up, telling her he was going to move in too, just to get a reaction. Zayn laughed at the time, amused by Harrys effortless attempts to get her mad. He saw it as just a little joke, but had no idea what kind of thick negative chemistry constantly flew back and forth between the two of them. He'd never witnessed that part, no-one had, because it was like their little secret.