Jaspar: One Shots

We Fall in Love with People We Can't Have

Prompt: "I Hate U I Love U" by Gnash

Summary: Caspar misses Joe after their harsh breakup. He just wants Joe back in his arms.

Warnings: swearing, very little mention of sex I guess, Joe basically being an asshole.

Enjoy!
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Feeling used but I'm still missing you

He was avoiding him but he still missed him. He felt used after Joe claimed he only asked him out for attention, Caspar was pretty noticed and popular in their high school. He was supposed to make Caspar fall in love with him and he definitely achieved that goal. Joe then said it went too far and he ended up staying in the relationship a little longer. People thought the couple were perfect and meant for each other, no one cared they were boys, they were just cute.

After a month, Caspar still hasn't gotten over this. The words were stuck in his head, playing over and over again. Joe had lied to him. Was He really faking it all, were there no feelings anywhere. If it was true everyone was convinced, even Caspar.

And I can't see the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

Caspar couldn't stop thinking of Joe's face when he told him. He should have known when he told Joe he loved him, his facial expression was appalled but Caspar was too stuck is an attracted haze to realize, then Joe broke into a smile and hugged Caspar. He whispered in his ear that he loved him too and it sent shivers down Caspar's neck and throughout his body.

Joe put his lips on Caspar's and thinking about this memory just made Caspar want him more. He wanted that feeling again and the way they felt warm on his own and on his shoulders or all over his body. He wanted to go back to that night, he'd like to think that he would change it and had never gotten his heart broken but he knew he wouldn't, he still would have been in that bed with Joe and showed his love to him. But Joe didn't truly love him.

And now all this time is passing by but I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you,

Caspar hadn't had the strength to tell Joe how he felt, he didn't know what it was, fear of being humiliated or Joe making him feel even more belittled, but he did know he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how he felt or knowing anymore about him that personal and deep than he already does.

Seeing Joe at school hurt sometimes, seeing him in the hallways and at lunch. You'd think after breaking up you'd see their face less, but for Caspar he probably saw Joe more often than when they were together.

realize how much I need you

Certain things made Caspar realize how much he actually depended on him, or how much he thought he depended on him. Now he just wanted Joe to realize how much Caspar needed him, or how he thinks he needs him.

He hated the thought.

He hated that he can't stop feeling that he needs Joe. He hated holding on to him emotionally but not physically. He hated how he needed that.

I hate you I love you, I hate that I love you

But he loved Joe and it happened so he can't erase that he ever did. Caspar wanted to say he hated him but didn't, he didn't adore him either.

Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you

Joe was always above everyone else in Caspar's eyes and Caspar couldn't change it. He was trying but he couldn't put anyone else above him.