joshaya one shots

act like you love me?

"Josh," I cried, "I can't do this anymore!"

"Do what, Maya?" Josh yelled, "not be the center of attention? To not get everything you want for 5 minutes?"

"How can you say that?" I asked, "how can you say these things that aren't even true? I'm talking about the distance, the alcohol, the fights about little stupid things. I'm trying here, Josh. I'm really trying because I don't think the last 3 years was for nothing. Unless I just wasted 3 years on someone who never wanted to be with me in the first place."

"I never wanted to be with you?" Josh threw his hands up in frustration, "Maya, I asked you out in the first place. I was the one who said I love you first. I was the one who asked you to move in with me,"

"Josh," I started, but he interrupted.

"I was the one who was going to ask you to marry me," Josh's voice cracked, and my mouth dropped to the floor. I was never expecting that. We had been constantly fighting for the past 2 months and nothing seemed to fix it. After these past few horrible months I thought staying together was questionable; but marriage? It seemed like an island over a million miles away. We weren't ready; were we ever going to be ready?

A tear rolled down my face, followed by many more, "You-you wanted to marry me?"

"Maya," Josh took a step towards me, "I wouldn't want to marry anyone else in the whole world besides you."

"Wow," I said, staring down at my feet, "I didn't know that."

"I bought the ring before we started fighting; a lot," Josh started, "but I don't think my mind has changed a bit. It can't be possible to love anyone more in this world. I don't want to love anyone else as much as I love you. I love you, Maya. I know I haven't said it lately and I'm so sorry. I've been so stupid lately. I'm sorry."

I didn't make eye contact. I couldn't. It was so hard, "Josh," I wiped a few tears away, "I can't forgive you."

Josh's face fell, "Maya, please. I know it's been a lot with the drinking and the distance, but I can make that all up to you," Josh's took my hands in his and kept avoiding eye contact and shaking my head, "I still love you, Maya. Don't you understand that? Nothing could ever make me second guess my love for you."

"Okay," I said, brushing tears off my face.

"Please stay," Josh whispered.

"Josh," I started, but he interrupted.

"Are you still in love with me?" He said in a small voice.

My voice cracked, "I-I'm not sure."

I could see his eyes beginning to water and him trying to keep his tears in, "Maya, you know how I feel. We've been in love for years. How can you just forget that?"

"I just need some time-"

"You've had three years, Maya. Are you in love with me or not?"

"I'm not sure," I yelled, letting my hands untwine from his and tears stream down my face, "believe me, Josh. I was. I was so in love with you, but right now I'm not sure. These past few months have been so horrible on us that I'm not even sure who we are anymore!"

Josh wiped a lone tear away and buried his face in his hands. There was a brief silence, until his cracked voice finally spoke, "This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot."

I grabbed his hands and pulled him into a hug, "It's both of our faults. This is just one big masterpiece that we both tore up. I'm sorry."

"Can you at least act like you love me?" Josh asked quietly in my ear, "it'll be easier on me."