ALWAYS {A Ryden MPreg}--House Of Memories: Book Two (Wattys 2016)

vices & virtues

    This was not how this whole thing was supposed to play out. He and Brendon were supposed to be together...but Ryan's issues fucked it all up, as was almost always the case. Right after that last episode, he had put his foot down and decided to seek treatment. Sure, therapy was annoying and dull as fuck, but Ryan knew he had to do it if he ever wanted to be able to see his children. So, he stuck with it.
His counselor, who preferred that he call her Halsey, said she was amazed at the amount of progress Ryan had made in the short time he had been with her. Which is where Ryan currently was: sprawled on Halsey's couch and, yet again, talking about his daddy-issues.
"How frequently did the abuse occur?" Halsey asked, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Ryan sighed.
"We've already fucking gone over this," he hissed, pausing to take a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry for losing my temper just now. I understand this is just part of the process."
Halsey smiled. "You may not realize this, but you just made a huge step in your recovery! You were able to pull yourself back into the moment while you were in the midst of anger. Excellent work!"
"Oh...uh...thanks. I guess meeting with you is sorta helping," Ryan mumbled.
"As I told you it would!"
"Um, do you...shit. Let me restart. When do you think you could get in touch with Brendon's lawyers? " Ryan asked softly.
Halsey sighed and removed her glasses. "You're doing great, Ryan, there is no questioning that. But it is still too soon to really make a decision. I'd say give it another month or so. I promise, I will make the call. It's just too soon to tell."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "Fine...I just want to be able to see my babies."
Halsey cleared her throat. "Let's talk about something else, shall we?" Halsey said, steepling her fingertips in her lap. "What would you consider to be your vices, and what would you consider to be your virtues?"
"Um...what do you mean exactly?" Ryan murmured.
"Your vices would be your, ah, addictions or negative behaviours, and your virtues would be the positive and good things you choose to indulge yourself with."
"Oh, okay. Hmm...a definite 'vice' for me would have to be drugs. It's not like I'm addicted, per se, but if my friends are doing it, I'm gonna do it with them."
Halsey nodded. "And this vice caused tension between you and your boyfriend."
Ryan shrugged. "Yeah. Especially 'cause I'd promised him that it wouldn't happen. I still feel guilty as hell about it." Ryan said ashamedly.
"What would you consider to be another vice?" Halsey asked softly.
"Sex. I mean, I'm not a sex-addict. Let me try to explain. I always swear I'll never cheat on Brendon again, but then that is what I always do. I don't even like Keltie all that much," Ryan said.
"Are you...unhappy with Brendon?"
"Quite the opposite. I love him, so much. It's just that..." Ryan trailed off, trying to gather his thoughts into a coherent statement.
"You miss having sex with girls?" Halsey suggested.
Ryan sighed. "I guess so. That makes me sound so fucking selfish."
The therapist nodded. "It does, yes, but it is also understandable. On the other end of the spectrum, what would you consider to be your virtues?"
"Well...I write music. Does that count?" Ryan asked.
"I suppose so. However, that's more of a hobby. Are there any qualities about yourself that you feel could 'redeem' you, or at least make the scales not seem so off-balance?"
"Um...not quite sure, to tell you the truth," Ryan admitted.
"Can I tell you the virtues that I, as your therapist, have observed?"
Ryan shifted in his seat. "I...I guess so."
Halsey flipped through her notes. "Well you came to me for help, which shows that you genuinely want to change. Also, you do love Brendon. SO much so that you are willing to do anything to ensure his safety, even if the process may be tedious and boring along the way. These are incredible virtues that you possess, Ryan. Not many people would go out of their way to make themselves a better person for the person they love. At least, not as selflessly as you are doing."
Ryan blushed. "Yeah...I guess you're right."
Halsey nodded. "How about this: next week, I'll get in touch with Brendon's lawyers. Sound like a plan?"
Ryan grinned. "Yes. Oh, thank you. Thank you so fucking much!"