Gemstone Reviews [Closed for Catch up]

Review #38-My Journey

Title: My Journey - Rewritten

Author: Maddiecapri

Rating: PG-13 ( much violence to come once rewritten all the way )

# of chapters: 3 so far.

# of chapters I read: 3

Summary/Blurb: 

Amanda Edwards, cunning, selfless , and stealthily.

Being her imaginative self she went over the wall: which is a big No-No. There are other rouge wolves beyond the wall, let loose during the night, hid away during the daytime. This one time Amanda came across a rouge, let loose and out hunting prey. It attacked Amanda leaving her weakened. The over top of that humans should never see them, it's killed or be killed when you come cross paths with them.

Finally the rogue left and Amanda shifted back to her human form as she ran away from the humans. Now a threat to mankind she must get home after two days of not being there. Jordan her best friend and his little sister Miranda are the closest thing of family she has left to help her survive, at least hope that she gets home.

But one thing triggers in her head since the attack: who is the other wolf? And what does it want? 

Review:

Cover:

I think you had a different cover before this, but to be honest, I like the concept of this one more. She reminds me of Snow White, running away from the Hunter, except that she has blood along her arms.

Her facial expression also makes me think that she isn't as innocent as she appears to be—in fact, I'm pretty sure she killed someone before escaping into the forest. The fur lining of her hood is, in addition, reminiscent of a wolf's mane, which not only matches the genre, but also the character.

My only concern for this is the font of the title and author's name—I can tell that you made this yourself. I suggest you hand the picture over to a Wattpad designer and ask for them to add a title with the appropriate font. Because otherwise, I can see this as the cover of a published book.

Blurb:

I'm glad that this story isn't going to be about another girl and her alpha mate. This sounds a lot more interesting, and with that rating for violence, I can see that things are going to get pretty intense. You've also introduced a goal the character has to reach, and an external conflict. There's also the issue of pesky humans trying to kill werewolves off...so there's a lot on your plate to make a good story.

You have a good opening line, "Amanda Edwards, cunning, selfless, and stealthy [stealthily]." which drew me in, because it immediately tells me that I will be reading about a strong female protagonist, and you reinforce this point later on with the rest of the blurb.

I do have a few suggestions for improvement, mostly in terms of points which I found unclear or information that was lacking:

1. "Being her imaginative self, she went over the wall: which is a big no-no."—There should be a line before this that gives us a heads-up about what the wall is meant to entail. Amanda lives with her pack, but where? In a village? Forest? Make this clear from the beginning.

2. "There are other rogue wolves beyond the wall, let loose during the night, hid away during the daytime."—This tells me that Amanda is also a rogue, when I initially thought that she was part of a pack. This is another thing that needs to be clarified. Also, the sentence is worded awkwardly: "There are other rogues beyond the wall, which hide during the day and run loose at night."