Collection of the Best Jokes Ever

Facebook/ Technology Jokes

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it.  And it will say Nobody Likes This.

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Why is Facebook like Jail?  "You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know!"  

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.  Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

Facebook is like a fridge. Even when you know there's nothing new going on, you still go on & check it every 10 minute.

I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?

Boss comes up to an employee: Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month! Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day.

Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting up.

Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner? No? Me neither.

In this day and age, deleting your history is more important than making it.

Google :I know everything
Facebook:I know everybody
Internet: Without me you are nothing.
Electricity: Keep talking...

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.' Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.  She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED.  NOT LONG ENOUGH!

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.  "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas.  In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50." "Sure," says the GM chairman.  "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*

A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head.  "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily.  "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.  "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"

My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill.  How irresponsible people are.