I am broken ~ divergent eric

Chapter Nineteen

As I look back on what had happened today, I wonder how the hell I had got here.

I was stood watching others fight, waiting for Jay and I to do exactly what everyone else was doing.

We were going to fight each other.

Why were we fighting each other?

Oh.

Eric.

Of course, he was annoyed this morning. But... Why was he?

Was it me? Was it the kiss? Oh god no, don't tell me he's having second thoughts... Or, was it something else?

What else could it be?

- - - - - -

- Flashback -

For the third time, I splash my face with cold water.

What am I doing?

I look at the clock; it's been five minutes. I groan internally, putting my head in my hands and looking at myself in the mirror.

Why can't I stop thinking about her?

For the past three minutes I've been thinking about her, what she did; what it meant.

Why am I fazed by this?

I have seen people die, hell - people have died by my hands, yet a little thing like this makes me this messed up?

It wasn't a little thing.

I kissed her, by accident, but she kissed back. I can't think straight - did she like me? Did she mean it?

Or is it all a lie?

Is she using me to get through initiation, to get a good place, a good job? Or am I looking too far into it?

Pressing on my temples, I groan.

You're stressing too much, I tell myself.

Lana wouldn't do that.

I splash my face once more, before leaving my apartment and heading to the canteen.

Lana would already be there.

I walk through dark hallways, before being met with glass doors. They open, and I walk into a loud room. My eyes search for Lana; a few seconds pass, before I see her.

Laughing. With Jay.

Not only that, but his arm is around her shoulder. And she's okay with it?

Are they together?

He's... He isn't her boyfriend. He can't do that. That-that idiot.

I walk further into the room and it goes silent; the only thing I can hear is my footsteps.

I trudge over to the food bar, take my sandwich, and sit down at my table, eating it.

The usual flavour tastes like dust in my mouth and I instead throw it away.

This is not a good day.

- - - - - -

- Present -

'Well, here we are.' Jay says, a nervous smile on his lips.

'Yeah...'

I felt sorry for him, to be honest.

He was trying to make the scene less awkward, after what we were doing earlier. Laughing, having fun, eating breakfast, and now... We were going to fight each other.