13; Not Himself

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Wc: 1002

Enjoy my lovelies❤

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You couldn't believe it. The boy you loved most in the world was gone and you didn't even get to see him one last time, tell him goodbye, or tell him how you felt about him. It tore you up inside as you reread his note for the hundredth time.

They got inside somehow. They're taking me to live with the other Cranks. It's for the best. Thanks for being my friends. Goodbye.

"We've got to go get him back," you whispered, and all the others looked up at you. You looked back up at them, tearing your eyes away from the ripped piece of parchment in your hands, "He doesn't deserve to end the last bit of his life in a place like the Crank Palace. Nobody does." Everybody remained silent as they contemplated your statement, then suddenly, Thomas spoke up, "Jorge, do you know how to get to the Crank Palace?" "Course I do, hermano," was the pilot's reply. "Right, then. We're going to the Crank Palace," Thomas said, with a tone of finality. He looked up at you, and gave you a sympathetic look; he knew about your feelings for Newt. You smiled weakly back as Thomas concluded, "Let's go get our friend back."

*****TIME SKIP*****

You had arrived to the Crank Palace, and you were now being guided to where Newt supposedly was by a pair of guards. The place gave you the creeps; there were people who were at all the different stages of the Flare, and occasionally you would pass by a body that lay so still you were sure it was dead. "There's your buddy," one of the guards pipped up, pointing carelessly over his shoulder as he faced your little group before he and his companion walked away.

Your heart leapt up into your throat as you caught a glimpse of blonde hair shining in the light of the bowling alley. "I thought I told you bloody shanks to get lost!" Newt shouted, causing you to flinch. "Newt you shank, come with us," Minho said, his tone lacking his usual sarcasm. At that, Newt stood up and turned to face you. Your heart gave a jolt when you realized he was holding a Launcher. His eyes were filled with startling insanity, and they were flitting from face to face when they suddenly landed on you. They flitted away again for half a second before he did a double take. At first, his eyes showed recognition, then a mix of surprise, happiness, fear, and sadness for split second before they hardened and insanity took over once more. "What the bloody hell is SHE doing here?" His voice was filled with contempt, and you flinched at the way he emphasized the 'she'. You simply stood there silently, the lump in your throat preventing you from speaking.

"She's your friend too, Newt," Thomas said, immediately coming to your defence. "Not anymore she's not. Neither are any of you," Newt snarled, raising his Launcher and pointing it at you with more confidence than before. You still stood there, trying to remain calm as you watched the love of your life come undone. "Newt, please, come with us. We all miss you. (Y/N) misses you and needs you more than anyone," Thomas pleaded, giving you a sideways glance. Your eyes began to water slowly as you kept your gaze on Newt. "Yeah, well, I don't miss her. She probably thinks it'll be bloody fantastic watching me lose my shucking mind! That's what you think, (Y/N)?! That everything's gonna be okay?! How shucking stupid can you get?!" Newt yelled, his words laced with venom. You winced at every word, and you could feel your heart hurting. 'He's not himself. This is not him. Not the real him,' you thought to yourself over and over, but it didn't dull the sting of his words.

You sort of zoned out after that, your heart in pieces as your group left, leaving the one boy who you loved behind. His words echoed in your mind on a never-ending loop, and it haunted you every waking moment of every waking day. You felt yourself slowly falling to pieces as though you were the one with the Flare. You couldn't believe that you were never going to see Newt again. As you say in the back of Lawrence's van alongside Thomas, your thoughts were stuck on Newt; where he was, how he was holding up, what he had done so far, what he was thinking. "(Y/N), I know you miss him. And I know you love him," Thomas said quietly, causing you to jerk your head up so quickly you cricked your neck. He didn't even need to say Newt's name but you knew who he meant. You gave a broken half smile, "Yeah, I do. But....well, you saw how he reached when he saw me." "He wasn't himself, (Y/N). He's never gonna be the Newt you knew back in the Glade ever again," Thomas replied quietly, and you nodded your head as you softly mumbled, "I know, but I sometimes wish I could see him just one last time."

Thomas gave a deep sigh and nodded in agreement. Then, all of a sudden, the van came to an abrupt stop as it crashed into a wall. On impact, you flew and blinding pain struck the side of your head as it made contact with the side of the van. You felt disoriented and dizzy, your head was spinning and you felt as though you were going to throw up. Something hot was running down the side of your head as you slowly got back to your feet. The world around you was fuzzy and every sound, every movement felt slowed and muffled, as though you were submerged under water. Your vision was filled with bright and dark spots as you tried to regain focus. You suddenly heard yelling, and a thump from outside the van. You stumbled over to the now-opened back doors of the van, and you saw Thomas lying on the floor, a blonde-haired crank shaking him violently by the collar of his shirt, a pistol in his hand. The crank was yelling at Thomas, and you could make out a heavy British accent. Your heart jolted; Newt.

You couldn't believe it; he was here, in front of you. He looked a hundred times worse than the last time you had seen him, and you started to walk over to where Newt and Thomas were, when suddenly Newt pressed the pistol to his forehead. "KILL ME!" He shouted angrily, pressing the barrel harder to his forehead, the gun now in Thomas's hand. Your heart rate sped up as you saw this, and you began to sprint. "THOMAS, NO!" You screamed, tackling Newt off of him when suddenly a loud blast went off and unbearable pain blossomed just bellow your chest. You crashed down on the ground hard, Newt landing somewhere near you. You couldn't breathe, you couldn't think, you couldn't do anything except feel the excruciating pain from where you had been shot.

Suddenly, you were being shaken violently, and you could see Newt's face, bright red from anger as he yelled at you, cursing you for having prevented his death, but you couldn't hear his words. Tears began to stream down your face as the pain intensified to the point where you began to black out. "NEWT, STOP!" You heard Thomas shout. You looked back at Newt's face, only to see that his anger had disappeared, his expression now one of terror. Suddenly, the death grip on your arms disappeared and you fell backwards only to be caught by a pair of strong arms you knew well. You pressed your hand against the wound and cried out from the pain it caused, but you were buying yourself time. "(Y/N), stay with me! Come on, (Y/N), just focus on me! Don't bloody die, please! Please, (Y/N)! Please!" You heard Newt crying out. When your vision refocused, you could see that Newt had tears going down his face, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead as he hugged you closer, trying to keep you awake for as long as possible. But deep down, Newt knew everything he was doing was futile; you couldn't be saved.

"Don't worry Newt," you just managed to mumble, your eyes slowly shutting as the pain slowly began to disappear, "If what you said earlier at the Crank Palace was true, then you won't miss me." Newt felt his heart shattering as you uttered those heartbreaking words; he had said that to you in a moment of no control, and now he knew it had haunted you. He didn't want you to remember him as a monster. "No, (Y/N), stay with me. I've missed you every lovin' second of every lovin' day, and I can't believe I said that to you. Just stay with me, and that way, we'll both make it through. Please, (Y/N). I......I love you," his voice cracked as he gently rested his forehead on yours. You gave a weak but real smile; those were the words you had dreamed of hearing for years on end. You were just sad that it had to be under these circumstances, but you had a feeling that you would be seeing Newt again very soon. So, as your eyes closed for the last time and as the world slipped away, you just managed to reply, "I love you too. I always have, Newt."

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