Loud Pøetry Spilled From The Quiet Soul

Part 58

You know what's the saddest thing about helping people....Is knowing you have no one to talk back to when you're breaking....

You want to just rip your skin open to feel something other than your heart breaking and your chest closing in on you as the tears fall from your eyes and staining your cheeks like the blade against your skin....

Like when I help someone it gives me a sense that I really am helping them until they say that they will be okay and don't even bother asking me if I am...

Tbh.
I'm not okay,
I really want to just to die,
Like honestly... I've never been more sure about anything.

You know since I'm being truthful I might as well keep talking because I have nothing to lose.
I've already lost everything.

My Dad,
My bestfriend,
My pet bestfriend,
My boyfriend,
Myself.

I can't smile anymore, Like I fake one and even half the time I can barely so that anymore.
I csnt look in the mirror without hitting myself,
I cut way more and hide it from everyone and I try to hide it from myself but a reminder always comes in the shower.

I cry myself to sleep almost every night and I can't fucking sleep because of my insomnia!
I can't think straight because I have fucking Skizophrenia!

They never leave me alone and when I open mouth to say that people reject me and tell me nothing is there.
OKAY WELL STEP INTO MY SHOES!
SEE THROUGH MY EYES!
FEEL WHAT I FEEL FOR A CHANGE!
IT MAY NOT BE THERE BUT IN EVERY FUCKING WAKING MINUTE I SEE IT! I HEAR IT! I FEEL IT! SO FUCKING TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't real....
Anyways I'm done. And I'll be laying in the dark starring at the ceiling watching the shadows dance across the rays of light that will eventually shine through my window.
Night.