Iko and Kinney (The Luner Chronicles)

Chapter 9

POV-Kinney

I made my way along the castle wall, trying to recapture my breath. I... I don't understand. Why would she do that? Why would he?

My mind kept wandering back to all those times that we had looked like that. All those times that she had pressed me up against the castle walls. All those times she had looked at me like that...

I broke out of the nearest door and pressed myself against the wall beside it. Sinking down along my back I tipped my head against it and breathed.

I was caught between a war of closing my eyes, to keep the tears at bay, and keeping them open, to stop the image of them together from reappearing again and again.

I groaned then sealed my lips in a line. I had loved her. She was... everything: beautiful, witty, strange, impulsive, wild, and so devoted—or so I thought.

Slamming my hand down beside me, I felt the pain rush up through my arm and winced. But it was calming. Standing up, I turned my face to the cold stone and breathed. Then the tears fell. I slammed my fists into the wall and felt my usual stoic break apart.

Why? Why? Why? It had been us for two years! Two! I ran a hand down my face and sighed. Breath in, breath out. Again...again.

Perhaps it was for the best. I'd had my doubts for a couple weeks now, but I was willing to work through it. Everyday I thought about bringing it up. Everyday I decided tomorrow would be better. Everyday I watched as she became more and more distant.

I was thankful I didn't make any sound; that would've been quite the disaster.

Turning around, I tipped my head back and laughed. It was a low, broken sound, but it was a release, a relief when I felt so much pressure building up in my chest.

I tried to remember who I was and how I had been before her—before Rona—but it was hard. Gosh... before Rona? I grimaced at the reminder of the little boy I had been.

It was over now, though. Perhaps I wouldn't have to deal with her anyway, and perhaps I'd never love again. A sudden calm, nothing passed over me. The alleviation was palpable. The weight on my chest decreased and I laughed bitterly again. Yes, emptiness was definitely preferable.

I glanced at the world around me and realized that it hadn't stopped turning. It hadn't even blinked. Another one gone it seemed to say. Another one today and there'll be another tomorrow. I was hopelessly left behind. No, I'd catch back up, and I'd never fall behind again.

I chuckled and nearly ripped my hair out. Okay... so she cheated? So she didn't love me anymore? She didn't have the courage to tell me that I was no longer enough for her. She didn't even have the decency to tell me when she had first began to feel this way.

Rage boiled, deep and hot, in the pit of my stomach. Tsk the audacity! Who does she think she is? Who the h—a picture of her rose up in my mind.

Right. I sagged back against the wall and immediately went back to feeling nothing. If I don't feel it, then how could I show it? She wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing me broken. She had been my everything, but now I'd be everything without her.

With this new disposition I straightened myself up and smoothed out my uniform. I had work to do. I had a day to get through. I still had a life to live, and she could never take that away from me, even if I now had no idea how that life was going to be spent.

Entering back inside the castle I furrowed my brows and pressed forward. My lips pressed into a line, and I could practically feel the lethal calm surrounding me. 'Not worth it' I repeated again, then again.