Radiation Point

Seventeen

I pushed the door open to the infirmary with renewed determination. The show must go on. Mia wasn't going to make it if I didn't fight. The woman was right.

Ellen sat on a bench outside the infirmary doors. Her face was tear stained and red. She wrapped her arms tightly across her chest, a strange look on her face. It was as if every ounce of strength and power had been drained from her, leaving only a shell of a person in front of me.
"Ellen?"
My words seem to wake her from a spell. She hastily rose, wiping the tears from her face. All prowess was gone from her. She simply looked broken.
"I couldn't do it," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She looked ashamed, not meeting my eyes.
"Do what?"
She met my eyes then, her own filled with pain and anguish. She motioned towards the door to the infirmary. "I couldn't go in there. I tried, but I just-couldn't."
Her daughters. She had found her daughters in a refugee camp infirmary just like this one.
I didn't respond. I couldn't think of a single thing that would make her feel better. Instead, I led her back to the bench and waited. She wiped her tears with the back of her hands.
"Oh god, I'm a mess," she said, shaking her head apologetically. Then meeting my eyes, "You must hate me."
I swallowed, remembering the raw anger I felt towards Ellen not long before, as my sister lay on that mess hall floor. But seeing her pain mirroring mine had wiped that anger away. She had lost so much, too.
"I don't hate you."
She shook her head in disgust. "I shouldn't have left her-not for an instant. I just thought she was safe with the others."
"What do you mean, 'the others'? Where did you leave her?"
"I left her with the rest of the camp, in the A building next to the camp. Told her to stay put; that she would be safe there."
"But she wasn't in the A building."
"I know," Ellen sobbed. "But I should have known she wouldn't stay put. She was so worried about you."
"Do you mean she was in the mess hall because she was looking for me?"
Ellen nodded, her eyes tear filled. "I should have known she wouldn't stay in the A building. Not 'til she knew you were safe."
Guilt washed over me at Ellen's words. Mia was only in the mess hall because she was worried about me.
"This isn't your fault, Ellen," I said firmly. "But I do need your help."
"Anything."
"I need to go on a run for antibiotics. They're all out of them, and I can't just sit by and hope my sister heals."
"I'll go with you," Ellen said without hesitation.
I put my hand up to stop her. "But I can't leave Mia-at least, not alone."
"Then I'll go. This was my fault."
"No," I said firmly. "This was not your fault. My sister is-and always has been-my responsibility. That's why I have to go-alone." The words felt right as I said them. I had to take responsibility and fight. That was the only reason my sister and I had made it so far, and the only reason we would survive this.
"I understand," Ellen said, her voice steeled. "I'll stay with Shadow. I promise, I won't leave her side. And if that means, going in that infirmary, then dang it, I will buck up and do it."
I smiled then, "It does mean that, Ellen."
"But you're wrong about one thing-you can't go alone. Those woods are crawling with contaminated. The towns are even worse."
"Then I'll have to be prepared. That's all I can do."
I silently began to plan my next steps. I still had Tyler's knife and the commissioner's gun. Then, as long as it hadn't been looted, my shotgun was in the sleeping quarters. I could stop there first and get it, along with any ammo I could find.
Ellen's hand on my shoulder broke my thoughts. "No, you need to ask for help. I'm telling you, that little girl isn't gonna do well if she loses you. Not knowing you went out on a run for her."
I bit my lip in frustration. "Who am I supposed to ask for help? I am not asking Tyler or the renegades. I can't."
"Why not?"
I heaved a sigh deep from my gut.
"Because I don't trust them. They killed my parents."
Ellen's face furrowed in confusion.
"That doesn't make sense, V. The renegades don't go around killing people-not unless they're a threat."
"Well, I can tell you my parents weren't a threat, and they're dead."
She nodded, but she still looked disturbed.
"Fine, well, do you trust me?"
Did I trust Ellen? I hadn't known her for long. And just today, I had learned she was a renegade! But the truth was that I did trust her-despite my better judgment.
"Yeah, I do."
"Then trust me. Ask for help."

Her words echoed in my head, as I hurried to grab my shotgun. It was packed snugly under my bed where I left it. I checked the tube-still fully loaded. I strapped it across my chest and hurried down the hallway, my thoughts a jumbled mess.
How could I ask Tyler for help? I hadn't even seen him since he brought the medics. Besides, I hadn't been lying. I didn't trust the renegades. But Ellen was right. I couldn't go alone without risking being overrun by the contaminated.
"Nessa?"
His words penetrated the air like a beacon, one that I must have conjured with my thoughts of him.
"Where are you going?"
"Out. On a run," I said the words tersely, bracing myself for his reply. That it was stupid and foolish. That I should just move on.
"Alone?"
The word came out surprisingly gentle as he studied my face.
Unexpectedly, a chuckle escaped my lips. He sounded exactly like Ellen. Tyler scrunched his face in confusion, making my chuckle turn into a full laugh.
"Are you okay? Maybe you should rest for awhile."
He looked totally confused. I couldn't have explained it if I tried. Maybe I really was losing it.
I shook my head, "No time. My sister needs antibiotics."
He didn't respond for a moment, his hands pressed deeply in his pockets. He seemed to be considering his words, then finally spoke in slow measured paces. "The renegades will help you, but you need to follow our rules."
"Tyler," I said in exasperation. "I am not joining the renegades."
"I'm not asking you to join us," he said, his voice matching my own exasperation. "I'm offering our help for one run. That's it."
I stared at Tyler, taking in his gruff face and aloft stance. I couldn't deny that he had changed. But like he said before, that didn't make him a monster. Hell, I'd changed, too. Before the bomb dropped, I hadn't killed anyone-contaminated or not-and now I was ready to kill anything that stood in the way of my sister's safety. The thought struck me as strange. Maybe I wasn't as different as I had thought from the renegades, but that was too alarming to admit. Instead, I made my choice and met Tyler's gaze.
"Fine. I'll follow your rules. I'll work with the renegades. On this run, though, that's it."
The words felt wrong as I said them, but I couldn't deny that I needed help. I could only hope that working with Tyler wouldn't bring me any more trouble then I'd already found on my own.