Radiation Point

Thirty

"Nessa!"
The sound of my sister's voice sounded feral, her despair pulling me out of the memories. I blinked in confusion when I realized I was still on the floor in the nurses station. The memory felt so real.
I blinked away tears as I pushed myself up off the floor and hurried to my sister's side.
She was sobbing uncontrollably, her body shaking. Her small hands gripped the side of the cot so hard that her knuckles were white.
"Mia, it's okay," I said, my voice hoarse. "I'm fine. See? I'm fine."
I wiped my tears and gave Mia my best smile, hoping that she wouldn't be able to see through my facade to my shattered confidence and despair.
Miracle had changed into a contaminated.
I was going to change next. I could feel it. My arm throbbed in affirmation.
"I was so scared," Mia wailed, huge tears falling from her face to the cot. "I didn't know what was happening to you, Nessa. I thought I was going to lose you like mom and dad."
Her pretty face was screwed into an ugly look of sadness, with snot dripping from her nose and her face turning a deep, dark red. She looked broken. Despair racking her tiny body.
"And I couldn't even help you. I-I can't move, Nessa. What's wrong with me?"
Her words struck a cord through my heart and I felt like I was the one paralyzed. Even though I'd known this moment would come-known since the medics, since Jackson told me-I wasn't prepared. Hearing Mia say it made it all real.
Taking a huge breath, I steadied myself against the wall.
How could I tell her that she'd probably never walk again? She was only thirteen.
"Nessa?"
Mia's voice was pleading as she held her eyes on mine.
It was like my name broke the spell, and I was in motion. Moving to Mia's bed and cradling her in my arms. I smoothed her hair back, as tears spilled down my face.
"You were shot, Mia. You were shot."
My words stilled her sobs. She sat board stiff in my arms.
"What are you saying?" Mia asked with an edge in her voice.
"The bullet went through your spine," I told her finally, not able to say the rest. Not able to tell her she probably would never walk again. How could I break her spirit by telling her that? What if she never walked again, simply because she believed she couldn't?
"Well, that explains a lot," she whispered. For a moment, she looked at me with wide, scared eyes and then, a giggle slipped out of her lips.
I stared at her in shock.
"What! I feel terrible! So it does explain a lot," she said, with a hint of a smile. As she looked at me, her smile faltered. "You looked so pale when you fell, Nessa. I thought you were dead."
"Nope, still fighting," I whispered to her. She smiled then, and rested her head on my shoulder.
"What about her, Nessa?" Mia asked, pointing at Miracle, who had stopped trashing, but was still growling.
I didn't want to say the words, let alone do it, but I had to.
"I have to kill her," I said finally, my voice clipped. I expected Mia to shrink back, scared, but she simply nodded.
"You can't leave her like that," Mia agreed. "It's inhumane."
That was a funny way to put it, but just like Mia. She thought of what was best for people, not just about fighting or death. I gave her a fond kiss on the forehead before I moved my attention to Miracle.
She was growling and moaning as she lay strapped against the cot. Unlike Mia's bed, this cot was bolted to the wall. It was another feature from the previous owners. At least the cot in the nurses station brought images of people hurt during gym class, instead of hurt from other things, I thought with a shutter. Still, there would be no moving Miracle, unless unstrapping her and moving her from the cot.
I turned back to Mia, "Do you want me to move you to the hallway first? You really shouldn't be here for this." The thought of killing a child in front of my sister was nauseating. Sure, Mia had seen me kill contaminated before, but never one so young.
"I have to get used to it. You said that yourself."
I shook my head with a smile. She was so mature for her age-the adult in a child's body.
I moved forward to Miracle's side to do what I had dreaded all along. I didn't want to kill this little girl. Even with her foaming mouth and crazed eyes, she still looked like the sweet girl we had carried out of the pharmacy. The one who had instantly trusted Tyler and fell asleep in his arms.
I pulled out my knife, feeling the weight of the metal in my hand. I tried to use my knife as often as I could to save ammo, but it seemed wrong to kill Miracle that way. It seemed more brutal. Inhumane, as Mia had said a moment ago.
Miracle snapped her teeth, pulling against the straps as I stood near her. No, I couldn't stab her, I thought with resignation. Instead, I pulled out my gun and with a single bullet between the eyes, killed her. Her body lay limp on the cot. The only sign of the contamination that remained was her mouth, which still had the foam around it. Now she just looked like the small child I had met in the woods. Innocent and wanting her mom. Now they would be together again, I thought, trying to find solace in what I'd just done. But it was hard. All I could see were those dark lashes, shut for the last time.
I was still staring at her, when the door behind me jiggled. I whipped around to see Jackson at the door, motioning for me to let him in. I hurried across the room and unlocked it with a click. Jackson rushed into the room, followed by Tyler, Ellen, and Bubba.
It was difficult to fit so many people into one room. With both cots and the desk, it seemed as if we were all crammed into a clown car, with elbows and sides bumping. Tyler moved behind the desk, and with a serious set of his jaw began.
"I've asked you all in here, because the commissioner needs to be stopped. I trust all of you, so I want to hear your opinions."
"You sure hussy should be here for this?" Bubba asked, eyeing me with a frown. I would have been offended, but I was starting to wonder the same thing. If this was a renegades meeting, then I really didn't belong.
"They're part of this. They should be here, too," Ellen said, her voice firm. She glanced around the room, as if daring the men to argue. Bubba scowled, but he didn't challenge her.
Tyler cleared his throat.
"If she joins the renegades, she can stay. Otherwise, Bubba's right. She doesn't belong here."
Ellen eyed me expectantly, as if waiting for me to say that I would join. What possible reason could I have to not join, her eyes seemed to ask. But even with the kindness I had seen the renegades display, I still had a haunting reminder of why they couldn't be trusted. They killed an entire innocent camp; condemned them to be eaten alive. And that was unforgivable.
"I'll wait outside then," I said, turning my back on their searing gazes.
Ellen caught my arm, questions in her eyes.
"Why won't you join? What have you got to lose?"
"My humanity."
The words slipped out, but I could tell they stung her. She let go of my arm, blinking furiously.
As I looked around the room, I saw that everyone in the room had matching expressions of shock on their face, except for Bubba. Bubba wore a satisfied smirk, as if he had expected as much from me.
"Why would you say that?" Ellen asked, her voice pained.
Even Mia looked at me oddly, as if she were searching for the answer herself.
"Because I've seen it. I've seen what terrible things the renegadess can do," I said with a shutter, images coming unbidden to my mind. My dad. My mom. Me. "I've seen them decimate a camp. Decimate it by over running it with contaminated. And I will never do that to someone else. Never."
The room was dead silent. Even the scowl had slipped off Bubba's face. For once his cruel face had shifted expressions and he simply looked stunned. I didn't wait for their responses. I turned and left the room, shutting the door with a slam.