Radiation Point

Thirty Four

A mess of golden blonde hair peeked out the top of Mia's covers. Just the sight of her made me freeze.
How could I tell her that we would be splitting up? Not only that, but that Mia would be out in the woods without me. Since the bomb dropped, she had always been with a family member to protect her. Now she'd be amongst strangers.
I could have stood there all day, worry and doubt planting me in place, if it wasn't for Tyler.
"Nessa."
Something in the way he said my name made me turn and face him.
Instead of the anger that had been on his face before, he simply looked tired. His brown eyes were lined with rings that I hadn't noticed before and his lips were thin pressed.
"Can we talk?"
"Uh...yeah. Whats up?" I asked as I started back into the nurses station.
"Not here," he said, putting hand on my arm to stop me.
Confusion filled me, but Tyler simply nodded his head to the side. With a sigh, I followed Tyler's tall frame.
He didn't go far. Only into the darkened gymnasium, stopping in front of the orange plastic bleachers. Without a word, he climbed up a few stands then stretched out his hand to me.
I could feel my face scrunch in confusion, but I took his hand. It felt warm to the touch; comforting, safe. Confusing.
"What's all this about?" I asked when we were seated on the highest bleacher. The gym looked like a pit of blackness beneath us. Anything could be hiding in there-waiting. I shivered at the thought and turned back to Tyler.
He seemed to be struggling for words, his eyes far away.
"I hate you."
I recoiled from his cutting words.
"At least sometimes I want to," he continued, not meeting my eyes. "But I can't. I just hate that this happened to us. I hate that the bomb dropped."
That I understood.
"Me too."
Tyler stared at me with intense dark eyes, as if searching for something lost. Something that had once been written on my face.
I shifted; uncomfortable.
"What is it?"
"I'm trying to see you like you were before. But you've changed. It's like that girl is gone."
Anger bubbled inside me. He'd changed, too. We both had. Even if the bomb had never been dropped, we still would have changed in two years; grown up.
Tyler's chuckle brought my attention back to him.
"I don't mean it in a bad way. You're still just as pretty without the makeup and everything. Prettier even."
I was grateful for the darkness to cover my blushing cheeks.
"But you're not the girl I thought I loved, Nessa. That's what makes me so angry when I'm around you. I see what I could have had-what I used to have-and realize it's gone."
I blinked away tears. I'd lost so much after the bombing, too. I could feel absence of my family and friends and Tyler acutely. Everything ripped away because of the explosion and the radiation that followed.
Tyler put his hands on my chin and gently tugged my face up to look at him.
"You really are beautiful, Nessa."
I didn't feel beautiful. My hair had grown into a nest of curls. Instead of developing curves like I wanted, my body was taunt with muscles. Not to mention the yeti legs I was now sporting. Shaving hadn't been easy after life as I knew it had gone to hell. The thought of that made me squirm. I shifted my eyes to my legs, crossing them in embarrassment.
That's why Tyler's lips on mine came as such a surprise.
At his touch, it was as if a spark had been ignited, my heart racing, my stomach churning. All the emotions and feeling for him from before the bombing came flooding back, almost making me double over.
Tyler pulled away and stared at me strangely. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said finally, clearing his throat. "I just had to be sure."
"And are you?"
He gave me a sad smile.
"Yeah, I am," he said, pulling himself up off the bleacher. Extending a hand down to me, he continued, "Friends?"
The word packed more of a punch than all of his others had. Could I really still care for Tyler? Especially now that he'd realized he no longer cared for me? I felt so stupid. So foolish.
"Nessa?"
I shook my head.
"Right, friends. Exactly."
The lie seemed to stick in my throat, but Tyler smiled.
"Good. I think we'll get along a lot better without the past mucking things up."
I nodded, but my stomach churned. It seemed like my emotions were already mucking things up again. Why did he have to kiss me?
"Oh, and one more thing?"
I glanced at him, trying to keep my face clear of emotions.
"What do you know about trapping?"
"Trapping? As in trapping animals?"
"Or contaminated. Or the commissioner. But yeah, that kind of trapping. You think if I told you what to look for, you could get me supplies for trapping?"
"I know what to look for. I used to trap with," I paused, thinking of my last memories of trapping. It had seemed so long ago, but was still so fresh in my mind.
Tyler cleared his throat.
"I used to trap with my dad," I finished hurriedly. "I can get whatever we need."
"Good," Tyler said with a nod. "I need to tell the others about the evacuation plan. I'll meet up with you later."
And just like that the moment was gone. Tyler had made up his mind, like I thought I had. But as I looked at his broad shoulders and arms taunt with muscles, desire bubbled inside me.
All because of a stupid kiss.
"You coming?"
I nodded, following Tyler out and instead letting my mind wander to the memories of trapping with my dad.