New York Surprise!

Chapter Thirty

Taylor's P.O.V

The days after Karlie left to go to St Louis to confirm it was Josh's body are some of the worst days I've ever experienced since becoming accustomed to her presence everywhere. Thankfully I had the tour to focus on but even so less than three weeks out and I've done all the preparation for it. I know the dances, I know all my cues and I know how things are going to happen but now as I wait anxiously for the day we fly to Tokyo I can't help but think that my life would be so much better if Karlie was with me. We could laugh together, bake and spend time loving on each other. It's always hard to know when someone will come back when they have the massive job that Karlie has, no doubt she will want to spend time with her family too and even though her mom and I have spoken twice since the wedding that never happened, it's still tense so I don't want to make things worse. I will never expect Karlie to choose between me and her family because god knows that she needs her family, they are the most important thing in the world to her. I hope she calls soon or at least Skype's Aubree soon, I know that she has been missing her routine.

The first night that Karlie was away she settled relatively well but she probably figured that it was just for one night. The second night she was so relaxed until it came time for her to have her bath and then she simply screamed and cried as upset as I've seen her in forever. Tonight I didn't even attempt to bath her knowing that I would receive the same treatment as the previous night. I'm hopeful tonight that she will at least take her bottle and settle but if last night is anything to go on, I know I will be up every three hours. The only respite I got was when I took her to my bed and allowed her to lie pressed against me, I know it's against all the parenting books I've read but she was so upset and she needed comfort so I really couldn't care less what the books say. I swear the people who wrote the books have never had kids who are crying so hard that they can barely breathe. I believe that kids always need a little bit of cuddling when they are upset because at the end of the day, they are your children so your vow as a parent is to care for them no matter what which is why I chose to protect Aubree and treat her like the little princess she is.

It's nearly 9.30pm before Aubree finally falls asleep and as I creep out of her nursery and into my room, I check my phone and notice updates from fans who are excited about the starting of a new era. They've already dubbed the new album the start of my takeover but I don't think they realise how much of an effect the last four have had on me. In nearly every interview I've had since I put out Speak Now all the interviewers have always made a comment about the lengths that I've had to go to, to produce albums. Many always talk about the love such as the meaning of true love that I discuss in 'Enchanted' to then the swift turn as I move into discussing heartbreak in 'Dear John' where I publically address an old relationship despite the fact that I've never admitted who the song is about, because I have always felt that although I give my whole story to my song writing I still need to retain some small parts for myself, which is why the subject matter or the person always remain tight lipped unless publically stated like I did to Joe Jonas when I stated on Ellen as to the song 'Forever and Always' from Fearless and how it was related to a twenty seven second phone call in which Joe managed to shatter my eighteen year old heart. But now years later we are friends, always polite to each other and agree that it would never have worked. We were always different people. After scrolling through social media for almost an hour I look in on Aubree and find her still sound asleep before moving downstairs and deciding to call my mom. I haven't talked to her for a few days. "Taylor?" Mom questions as she picks up.
"Hey mom, how are you?" I question back as I settle onto the couch nursing my phone between my shoulder and ear as I begin to fold the large pile of washing I spent the day doing as Aubree wandered around the place after me. "I'm good, Austin's home right now so there's plenty to keep me busy. How's that little rascal of yours?" I laugh,
"Haha, Aubree is good. She's really picking up the walking now. I think I've only lost three antiques this week, so that's an improvement on last week." I state laughing as I remember the last of the antiques that fell today, it was a favourite of mine that had once survived being swiped off the shelf by Meredith but it didn't survive the hands of a toddler learning to walk. "Well I told you to move them when she first started walking. I'm sure you can buy some more when she's stable on her feet." I nod but then I realise my mom can't see me.  "Yeah, I guess I can. I don't know I've had them for so long so they're special but at the same time with a kid running around I don't really know if I want to put more antiques up when they will get damaged at one point." I state as I hear mom hum in approval.
"That's smart, at least she won't feel guilty of she breaks something." I look around the apartment at all the toys and blocks that litter the floor and furniture. "Yeah well she sure is good at making a mess, not that great at cleaning it up though." I state at I finish off the washing and move to pick up all the toys. "Well I'm sure she takes after Karlie in that department, you're forever saying how messy Karlie can be." I heave out a large sigh at the mention of Karlie's name.
"Yeah well, she's not here right now so I don't think she will be able to teach Karlie anything."
"Where's Karlie?" Mom questions as I begin to talk her through what's happening at the moment including what Tree has asked me to do, "do you want to pretend that what you two have doesn't exist?" I am a little shocked at what my mom asks but at the same time she's always been able to get to the root of my problems, she did it at Aubree's first birthday party and she's done it for years. Now I'm beginning to question what I'm actually doing with my life. "Well, I can't do anything. She's supposed to call me."
"Well that's good, at least she's still going to talk to you, but I guess she's going to be busy dealing with this Josh business." I nod and agree as we talk about her and dad and what Austin's up to at the moment and I have a laugh when she tells me about how Austin is practically cleaning out their cupboard of all food sources because he claims that he's starving. When we finally hang up I'm feeling much better but that all changes as Aubree's cries ring out through the baby monitor.

Sighing I stand and move towards the stairs but I stop and instead let Aubree cry for a little longer and I decide to take the washing up too. Pausing to drop off mine and put it away I can still hear her crying so I take a deep breath and walk back into the hallways with the laundry, the moment I open the door, her crying subsides and she struggles to pull herself up so she's standing and watching me put her folded clothing away out of sight before she grumbles again and I stand and move over to her. Picking her up she cuddles into me and nuzzles my neck I walk over to the rocking chair and settle myself down into it, cradling Aubree and gently rocking backwards and forwards. I make a mental note to make sure that there is always a recliner in my dressing room because Aubree will always be with me and no doubt she will still be clingy and whiny. I sit there for what seems like forever rocking her backwards and forwards and it seems like not that long ago when I first adopted her that I would sit on my bed and do this because she wouldn't settle due to being cold. Now it's clear that even though she's getting bigger she's still my little girl and noting is going to change that but it's very clear that with Karlie not being here she is suffering. I don't know how much longer it will take until Aubree settles but I knew when I started a relationship with Karlie that there was a major chance that she would get attached to Karlie and it was clear from her first birthday that she was attached to Karlie. She wouldn't even let Karlie leave when Karlie wanted to get as far away from me as possible because Tree had brought Ellie back into my life.

Rocking backwards and forwards Aubree soon drops back asleep but tonight I'm so tried that when I put Aubree back into her crib I move back to my room and grab a t-shirt of Karlie's that I've been wearing but I decide that perhaps with the scent of Karlie next to her she may feel more comfortable and sleep a little better. I tuck the blanket in under her giraffe and watch her sleep, running my hand over her head that still has minimal hair on it for an almost fifteen month old. I smile and walk back to my room, changing into my pyjamas and then sliding into bed. It's been a long three days and the next few weeks until tour begins will be hectic but I'm hopeful that Aubree will settle down and I will be able to get a decent few nights sleep and attempt to get Aubree into a sleeping pattern without Karlie around and hopefully then she will behave while I'm in Japan for the first two nights of tour and then once I'm home I'll be able to make sure I have everything ready for the North American tour and for the first time in a while talking to my mom made me feel better and the hopeful thought that Aubree may sleep through the night helps me to relax back into the bed and fall asleep in a comfortable state for the first time in a few days.

Aubree fifteen months old: