Eight: Fat People Sink to the Bottom
The next sixty seconds are a complete blur.
Seriously, it’s like from the moment my head dunked under that cold water, my brain loses its ability to focus on real life events. And by real life events, I mean frantically waving my arms around in a desperate attempt to keep my head above the surface.
It’s moments like now I regret that I never learned to swim. But it’s also moments when I see the looming dark waters leering at me that I remember why I didn’t ever show up to swimming lessons.
How long have I been under? It feels like hours, but I know this isn’t possible because, well, I’m still alive. Maybe not for much longer, though, as a panic attack seems close on the horizon.
If I’m not having one already.
Oh my God, what do I do? No matter how much I kick my legs and wave my arms around, I just can’t pull my body upwards. Either this is not the right technique to tread water, or I need to lose some weight. I’ve got a feeling it’s the former, but with that big breakfast…
Shut up, Bailey. Focus on the real matter here. Drowning.
Which I’m going to do if I don’t get some air soon.
My eyes are open, causing them to sting like crazy. You’d think humans would’ve evolved to have underwater vision by now, but apparently this isn’t the case. Stupid slow process. All I can see is a blur of dark blue, in between rapid blinks to try and ease the painful stinging which my eyeballs are currently suffering.
I’m going to die.
I might as well accept it. As I tilt my head upwards (or at least in the direction I think is upwards), I can just see a lighter shade of blue blur. It seems miles away, despite the fact that in reality it’s probably about half a meter above my head. My energy is rapidly being drained of my body and the prospect of ever taking a breath containing a substantial amount of oxygen to keep me alive again is now seemingly impossible. I’m going to die. Goodbye, Bailey Cunningham. This is it.
Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrap around my body (and if I were slightly more conscious I might be more aware of the fact they are weirdly close to my boobs) and I feel myself being hoisted upwards. I try to whip my head around to work out the identity of this mystery underwater kidnapper, but the resistance of the water means that I only manage some sort of weird jerky movement. And before I can attempt it again, my hearing suddenly becomes amplified and I realize that my head is no longer submerged in cold liquid.
I try to take a deep breath in, but am immediately greeted by a severe coughing fit which continues until my throat feels red raw. It takes me a while to notice that half of my body is still underwater, but something (or someone) is dragging me in the direction of the shore.
“Wh-what?” I try to choke out, but my words are distorted by the coughs that follow. Oh my God, please do not let this be some kind of mutated evil shark that’s dragging me to its cave to eat me. Wait… what? I think I’ve swallowed too much water. Do extreme amounts of water make you high? This is like the hair dye fume incident all over again. Except much more terrifying.
Hold on one second.
Why am I wasting time pondering on ridiculous thoughts when a man-eating shark could be dragging me through the water?
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Musically Gifted? Well, I Used to Play the Recorder...
Humor"Remind me again why I thought spending six weeks with a bunch of hyperactive, sweaty and supposedly 'musically gifted' kids was a good idea?" Bailey Cunningham has gone and taken the plunge - she's not only signed up for the job of a camp counselo...
