The Mix Tapes // n.h. {Watty Awards 2013}

Cassette 8; side A and B

It had been about a week now since I heard tape 7. I made a promise to Reagan on one of her many visits that I would not listen to a single tape without her. I had also been on my medicine for about a week now. It's helped me a lot, I feel happier and less.... depressed. dark. sad. lonely. less... suicidal. But Rosie was right; when you first take the medicine you are very tired and ramble a lot. I figured out the rambling part when I was meeting with Reagan.

The doorbell rang out signaling that Reagan had arrived. I quickly swallowed my pills with water and ran to the door.

"Hey, Rea." I said with a smile.

She had changed her hair color again. It was dark red, like the color of a rose that is slowly wilting away in the winter time as it lay down almost too perfectly on the freshly fallen snow. Her hair lay in curled ringlets on her shoulders.

"Hey, Niall! Are you ready for today?" Reagan said with a bright smile. She was wearing a light pale blue knit sweater (which made her red hair stand out even more), dark skinny jeans and brown boots.

"Yup! I am." I said as I let her inside and shut the door.

She walked straight to the living room and took her usual spot, the warn leather chair, and I took my usual spot, the old, fluffy yellow couch.

"So how do you like the medication? Is it making things better, worse or the same?" She asked as she readied her pen.

"It's making things a lot better. Without realizing it I actually have slowly slipped back into my old life. I've been hanging out with my friends again, eating regularly, feeling actual happiness. It's been wonderful." I said with a smile.

"That's amazing, Niall! I'm so happy for you! That's great. I'm glad that the medication has had such a big effect on you. You're lucky. With most people the medication rarely ever works on the first try."

"I guess I am lucky."

"Even though you are feeling better you still need to talk about the things that use to bother you, because truth be told just because you're now on medication it doesn't mean that you still won't feel sad or remember things. All this medication will do is help you not get to the depressive state sad and it will even out your moods.'

I sighed. Of course. I still had to talk about things. I knew this was too good to be true.

"Oh." Was all I mumbled.

"A topic I've been really wanting to talk about is your dad. He seems to have had a very big.... influence on you and in your life. Can we talk about him?"

"Why not? Long story short he abused me since.... well ever. My mom always stuck up for me but that would just result in her getting more abused. We got verbally and physically abused. One day I went out to the gas station that was right down the street to get my dad his favorite soda and chips, I told my mom... I stupidly told my mom to keep it a secret... and she did. I came home to find my mother dead on the floor. Her last words were 'I love you'. After my dad got sent to jail. He has 20 to life or something like that." I said as I forced back tears.

"That must of effected you tremendously." Reagan said with pure sadness in her eyes.

"You could say so."

"What is the thing he said that bothered you the most? The thing that still haunts you?"

"You'll turn out just like me. You'll beat and abuse and hurt and ruin everyone and everything you touch. I promise and that might be the only promise I can actually keep." I said emotionless.

Memories rushed back and started to make me sad, sadder then sad even, but I tried to push them away. I didn't want to get that sad now or focus on those memories now.