DEAD IN BED By Bailey Simms: The Complete Second Book

PART 11, SECTION 7

Chris yawned, said goodnight, and wandered off to bed. For a while after, I sat by the fire with my dad, just staring at the dying embers. Then he stood and said goodnight too.

"Sure do love you, Ash." He gave me another fatherly hug. "I really do. Hang in there."

"I love you too, Dad," I said.

I didn't feel like going off to my cold, tiny room. And I wasn't tired. For a long time I just sat by the dimming fire, alone.

I thought about Ian. I couldn't help it. I kept thinking about the way he could barely look me in the eyes without breaking down into muted sobbing. I still had no idea where Danielle was; for now, I tried not to imagine the worst. I also thought about the teens who had paired off and slipped away, the librarian and the mechanic, and even Shawn and Lindsay. Then I thought about Ian all over again, and about how much I wanted to be with him. But even though he was suddenly, unexpectedly right here, this didn't make my being with him any more possible. Even if he fully recovered, in his eyes I'd only ever be his sister-in-law. I felt horrible even thinking these self-centered thoughts while he was suffering so badly. But I couldn't help it. Blame it on the trillions of parasites infesting my amygdalae.

My amygdalae...

This passing thought made me start to think over what Chris had said about wishing we had more TGVx parasites to go around.

And that's when I it came to me. Just like that.

I realized what I had to do.

Suddenly, it had dawned on me that we did have enough TGVx to go around. We had plenty. We had way more than enough. There were trillions of precious TGVx parasites packed into a dense cluster deep inside my brain. Not just enough to save the refugees. Enough to save everyone, everywhere.

For a long time, beneath the endless stars, I let this simple fact pervade my consciousness. I sat there by the fire late into the night. Eventually the dawn started to appear, and the stars twinkled out one by one. When I'd considered things from every possible angle, I didn't doubt that this was the only answer.

My own expiration.

I'd made up my mind. I would have to take my own life. The continuation of my single, minuscule existence was nothing compared to the millions of people who'd benefit from its cessation.

It wasn't like I had very much left to live for, anyway. 

So it was settled.

I couldn't tell my dad. I couldn't even tell Chris. Both of them would try to stop me. Of course they would. 

Before I could bring myself to go through with it, though, I had to say goodbye to Ian.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Please VOTE 🌟 before continuing. xxBailey