DEAD IN BED By Bailey Simms: The Complete Second Book

PART 14, AUTHOR'S NOTE - 3/28/15, 6:38pm

By the afternoon, Bailey's fatigue started to set in. I helped her back up onto the bed. The sky outside was overcast now, and darker than before. I lay the sheets and the bedspread over her naked body, then I slid into bed beside her. I held her in my arms. For a long time, we just lay there silently. She rubbed her thumb back and forth across my hand while we stared out of the far window. Every once in a while, she hugged my arms tightly, but for a long time neither of us spoke.

I'd almost started to fall asleep when she said, "I want you to write about today. Will you?"

". . . On Wattpad?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered. "Every detail. Just like it happened."

"But it's private," I said. "Isn't it? I mean, I don't really want to share this with anyone else. It's ours."

For a moment, Bailey said nothing.

Finally, she whispered, "Pretty soon, it'll be yours. Just yours. Because I won't be here for it to be ours anymore. Today was . . . not perfect, I don't mean that. It was precious. I know that sounds lame. But, to me, today was precious. And I want to preserve it. For ever."

"But it will live on in me. Won't it? Isn't that enough?"

Bailey turned around to face me.

"No," she said. Her eyes were pleading with me. "I'm so sorry, but it's not enough. I know it's not fair to ask you to write about everything we just shared today. It is private. But . . . you're going to go on. You're going to live a long life. I don't think you'll forget me. It's not that. But you won't be nineteen forever. You'll grow, and change. You'll meet tons of new people . . . and you'll probably marry, and have kids. And then you," she squeezed my hand, "this you, right here, right now, will be gone. Today will be gone. And I want to preserve this you and this day. Because this is the only me I'll ever have. This is the only us that will ever exist for me. Will you please, please write about it, honestly? Leaving nothing out?"

I didn't even want to think about the decades of my future without Bailey, so I blocked it out of my mind. But I knew that she was right. Whatever happened, I would go on, and she wouldn't. I didn't think I could capture the complexity of everything that had happened between us, and, even if I could, honestly, just thinking about posting it to hundreds of strangers made my queasy. But I knew Bailey understood this. I thought I was finally understanding why it meant so much to her that I continue posting the Author's Notes for her, and to record the exact truth about everything that had happened.

"Okay," I said, finally. "Sure. I'll do my best. If that's what you want. I promise."

She squeezed me hand. "Thank you," she whispered.

For a moment she was quiet again. I could tell she had more to say. The light was starting to fade.

"Good," she said suddenly, as if she'd just come to a firm conclusion. "If you'll write the truth about us, as we are right now, then I'm going to make a little heaven for the us-as-we-are-now at the end of my book. I'm going to imagine that I'm Ashley in the story, and that you're Ian. And when I'm gone, and the us-as-we-are-now is gone, our little heaven will live on. I told you before that when I die, I'm going to think about our heaven in this cottage. I'm going to think about it just as I'll write it in the book for Ashley and Ian. I'm going to give them the happy ending we won't ever have. Their happy ending will be the last thing I think about, as if their ending was ours. It'll be our own private heaven. As long as you're here with me, and I'm thinking about our heaven when I die, I won't be quite as scared."

I got up and grabbed my pants off the floor where they'd fallen. I dressed, preparing myself to walk to the house and make this blog post. Bailey lay beneath the covers, her head resting on a pillow, watching me dress.

Before I left, I sat at the bed and kissed her.

"Be right back," I said.

She grabbed my hand.

"Kyle." Her voice had suddenly become more serious than I'd ever heard it. "Thank you. I mean it. Thank you for this. Thank you for everything. You made my life worth living." Once again, tears gathered in her eyes. "I don't have much longer. My heart, it's . . . doing funny things. I can feel it. Hurry back, okay?"

I nodded. "Of course. I'll be right back."

"Okay," she said, half-heartedly smiling and wiping away her tears. "Because, I want to finish my book tonight. Will you transcribe it for me tonight? And help me make the final edits?"

"Tonight? Do you have the energy?" I was surprised. "I mean, don't you want to sleep first, then do it in the morning when you have the energy to focus? Like we usually do?"

"No." She shook her head emphatically. "I think I need to do it tonight."

This scared me. Did she think she was going to die so soon? I wasn't ready for it. Not even close.

"And then," she continued, "as soon as the book's finished, post it right away. Okay?"

"I will. Of course I will . . ."

"Because when I die, I'm just going to think about that heaven I've built for us in Ian and Ashley's story. Okay? And it'll be out there, somewhere, on the internet. And I'm just going to, just, like, fall asleep in your arms. Okay? And when I'm gone, don't be afraid. You have to promise me that. You have to promise me that you won't be afraid or waste any time. Just leave me, here, in this bed, in this cottage. Just like this. That's what I want, okay? I don't want to be under the ground. Promise you won't bury me. Okay? And I want you to just pack up as much food as you can, and I want you to get out of here alive. I know you can make it. As long as I'm not there to slow you down, I know you can make it out. You don't need the truck. Just pack enough warm clothes, and just walk. You'll find a town. And a phone. I know you will. And you'll go on and live your life."

She pulled the covers around her. I draped my arms over her small body and hugged her. I didn't know what else to do or say. I just hugged her tight.

"I'll be okay," she said. "It's getting late. Please just go make that post about today, and hurry back. Alright? Please. Promise me you won't leave anything out."

"I promise," I said. "I won't leave anything out. And I'll be right back."