Maybe you should find another book...

Skip over this chaper please.

You know...
...sometimes I get really insecure.
People say I'm kind and funny...
...but I know I'm an asshole and a bitch.
I break people's hearts, and then I try to force them to fix it because I'm just trying to get everyone to like me.
I hate feeling hated.
I can't express what I feel.
People confuse the living fuck out of me.
I try.
I try so damn hard.
I have to try harder than most people.
Honestly, I'm not sure if many people really understand what it's like.
I'll be talking to someone, and whatever's in my head comes out.
If someone's telling me to stop non-verbally, I don't.
Sometimes, I don't stop verbally.
Most of the time, I'm trying to help.
Occasionally not.
I'm not sure how to deal with things.

Making eye contact with people older is hard...
...reading subtle emotions is hard.
...other stuff that I'm not even aware of that others are doing....
I don't know.

It's just the way I handle things.
I hate it, and I need to change but I can't.

This is why I love isolation.
Because when I'm alone, people don't know I exist and I can't fuck up yet another friendship.

I'm sorry.
You know who I'm talking to.
And you're not fucking perfect either.