Our Love Will Be Remembered

Our Love Will Be Remembered... (Ch 4)

OUR LOVE WILL BE REMEMBERED...

Chapter 4

Margaret Bishop also lived in our neighborhood, which was kind of ironic.

I mowed her lawn.

She was my "older love". When I met her, I was seventeen. I had only been with Fay, and I was young and inexperienced.

I knew so much of the feeling part of love but so little of the physical one.

Margaret had shown her interest in me but at first I was reluctant. Physical love without the feeling aspect stood against every single one of my beliefs. It would have been treason to not follow that path.

And unlike my fellow teenagers, I wasn't controlled by that urge. I didn't need it, didn't crave it. The only thing I wanted was the feeling, to experience the feeling, to know the feeling, to share the feeling. Hormones had nothing on me.

But I did understand that for one thing, love couldn't be complete without every aspect of it.

But still, only physical, nothing emotional? That wasn't something I fancied.

So I kept saying no to Margaret Bishop.

But then I realized something... If I decided to be with Margaret, our love would be forbidden. Because she was older, because she was married, though that husband of hers was always away. But still... that was a completely new kind of love, it had nothing to do with the one I had shared with Fay, but it was going to be forbidden too... and like that, I knew Margaret would be my new love.

Because this was something else I had to experience. If my goal was to know every kind of love, to share every kind of love, I needed to have this.

Of course, this whole situation worried me. Because I didn't know if she would ever really love me, or if it would be strictly physical. I didn't know if I'd love her either.

And if whatever we had wasn't strong, if our love wasn't worthy of being remembered, how could I do such a thing?

And if we did care about each other, when would be enough? When would be the right time?

Those were all question that bothered me.

I mean, with Fay, it had been a spur of the moment thing, though I had thought about it before, but I hadn't really plan it to be that night, I hadn't plan to kill her.

But now, now that I knew I could, now that I had, it only worried me more.

Would I do things the right way with Margaret?

Would I do it at the right time, this time?

So I worried, of course I worried. And I was even scared a little, and anxious...

But then I found, that feeling this way, this anxiety, this edginess, wasn't so bad in the end.

Well actually, my whole relationship with Margaret was quite enlightening. I learned a lot of things with her. She taught me a side of love I wasn't familiar with, one the books and love story could never teach you right. And she taught me good.

And then she died...