Wildlings

29: True Love

Judit had hoped to avoid Rama for as long as possible after yesterday, but no such luck. Her eyes, her every blood cell, picked him out immediately when she entered the social area for breakfast.

He had his back to her, in a corner, deep in hushed conversation with Jaddy. She stayed as far away from them as possible, but her whole body screamed with awareness at his presence. She felt like an aerial, tuned only to receive him.

She was watching him through her peripheral vision (all the time, unavoidably, whenever he was near), and his eyes fixed on hers, that hard connection making her heart leap. He came towards her and she swallowed the bread in her mouth quickly. It felt like she was ingesting a whole tree.

"Morning Judit." Rama's voice was laced-tight with urgency. He touched her arm softly, and her nerve endings melted like butter under a hot iron, liquid gold running down her body, pooling between her legs. "Hope you're feeling better after yesterday."

For a long moment she assumed he was referring to the logical thing, the thing that kept her awake all night, but then she realised he meant her tears over Sannah.

"Yeah," she responded, all zen, totally zen. "Thanks."

"Look, I just want to tell you something important." His voice was hushed and he steered her to the corner. "It's a big day today. Earlier than we expected—what with this heatwave and everything, the crops—anyway, I know... with you starting late, this might feel like quite a leap, and I want you to know that it's okay."

He was leaning in, urgency in his voice. He was so close she could see a tiny fleck of brown in the blue iris of his left eye. It was intensely difficult to fight the urge to press herself against him. Her whole body leaned towards him, like he emitted a gravitational pull. Her hands wanted to rise up and stroke his face, his lovely hair. Like Tish did yesterday, she thought, and jealousy yanked violently downwards on her gullet.

He was going on, oblivious to her gremlin emotions. "You'll still have your lessons as a group, and I'll still be on hand for everything. The others have agreed that I can still tutor you and Jadrun in the things you've missed. So, just, don't worry, basically. It's alright. It's not as big a deal as it might seem. You're not on your own. I'm here. We're all still here."

Judit furrowed her brow. "What? I don't understand."

Rama opened his mouth to answer, then his eyes flicked to the door. "Look, I've got to go," he whispered, "but it's zen. Don't worry. I promise. See you later. Not tonight, that's not... But tomorrow, okay? Five as usual?"

She nodded, and he left. Why not tonight? Judit wondered, slick with disappointment.

Dr. Goodmin and Moustache had appeared, and were ushering the students towards one of the classrooms. At least we're all together, Judit thought, as boys and girls both crowded through the door. That means no blackhouse.

She followed the crowd. She wanted to sit with Lintie, try and smooth things out after their crank encounter the other day, but Lintie was sitting with Hegri, and Judit couldn't bear to look at him.

She scanned the class for somewhere else. Merle sat down with those guys too. Judit hesitated then pulled out a chair next to Jaddy at the front, her back to her friends.

"Okay guys," Moustache addressed the class from right in front of Judit and Jaddy.

At least he's fully dressed today, Judit thought. Otherwise I'd have to stare close-range at his gross skin-tight-Lycra teacher-crotch. She glanced at Jaddy. He was looking down at his balled fists, as withdrawn as ever. His hands were shaking, Judit noticed. She suddenly wondered if Rama had been giving him the same off-spec talk that he'd given her, this morning when she came in.