Wildlings

49: In On It

Rama walked Judit as far as the edge of the woods, stopping before the meadow. He lifed a backpack he'd brought from the car off his back and unzipped it, pulling out a brown wool cloak and passing it to her.

"You got some clothes to change into?"

She nodded. "Back at the blackhouse." She draped the cloak over her shoulders, wrapping it around herself to hide her modern top and jeans.

"You okay?" He gave her a tight-lipped smile that conveyed a thousand things. There were yet more secrets between them now, yet more experiences tying them together.

Judit nodded again. "Yeah. Tired." She stared at him for a moment, and nothing existed but their eyes, and their eyes were a universe. Oh, to curl up with him right now, be held by him, forget everything. "Will I see you later?"

"Maybe not tonight. Let things... settle a bit. Tomorrow though. Okay? Try to get some rest."

One last glance, one last moment of eternity, and she turned to cross the meadow. The village was quiet and beautiful in the dawn. A sea-bird swooped above her as she cut a path through the grass, screeching something that sounded like a warning. Why did it seem like it was shouting right at her?

The blackhouse door creaked as it opened, and the chickens purred with pleasure to see her. She left the door open so they could go out, into the sun. They ran past her legs, scratching in the grass and throwing up their heads. Let them have some freedom for once.

She pushed the inner door open slowly, trying to avoid waking Gaen. She just wanted to collapse by the fire, sleep forever more, never speak to anyone else ever again unless they were Rama, or Sannah.

Luck wasn't on her side. Gaen was up, sat by the fire. His eyes, fixed on her, were the first things she saw when she sidled around the door.

"Judit." His face was completely blank, loose with shock. "What... I..." He closed his mouth, obviously trying to compose himself. "Lintie said you'd gone."

"Well I haven't." Judit didn't even look at him. She didn't have the energy for this, not now. "And I don't want to talk about it, okay? Are you done with the bed?"

"Yeah. I..."

"Just zen it Gaen, alright? Leave me alone," Judit snapped, crawling into the blankety box, pulling the covers over her head. She closed her eyes, and was too tired to even react when she heard him leave, slam the door behind him.

***

She didn't know how long she slept. She had this crank dream where she was back at Birchwood. Rama was there, angry at Lox, and Lox was crying. It was all pretty innocuous action-wise, but for some reason the whole thing was shrouded in abject misery, utter shame, and the feeling clung like the smell of death long after she opened her eyes. She couldn't wash it off. It filled all her senses.

Her body clock told her it was late in the day, but she didn't care. Let the chickens die. Let the crops fail. She just couldn't get it up in her to step up to that responsibility. She only wanted to lay here, in the bed, stare at the pitted wood of the wall and pretend none of it was happening. Not forever, of course, but just for now. Just for some respite. Just to take a rest.

She must have been dozing, because she woke with a jump. What was that? Whispering? Did Gaen have Merle in here? Dagging hell, she didn't need them on her case, not now. She couldn't be bothered at all with the accusation party, being told how wrong she was once again. She already knew.

Judit closed her eyes, tried to block it out, but she couldn't. There was something off spec about the noises, the atmosphere of the room, that she couldn't put her finger on, and it made something primal override her responses, so it was impossible to relax.

She sat up, her face set so deep into a frown it actually hurt, and turned away from the wall, toward the room.

What the skit?

She wasn't expecting this, though the noises at least made sense now.

Gaen was there, leaning against a wall, scowling at the fire. He'd taken off his tunic top and was just in the baggy, long-sleeved Native top and pants. He was in the light of the fire, and his shadow stretched long and black up the wall and arched onto the ceiling above him.

Just as Judit's instincts had told her, Merle was there too, sitting on the bench next to Gaen, staring pensively into the fire, also lit gold, an extended shadow behind her.

But she wasn't the only one. Lintie was next to her on the bench, then Hegri. Judit had no idea why they might be in her house, imposing on her when she was trying to sleep.

"She's up," Merle said, staring at her.

"What is this?" Judit asked angrily. "What are you all doing here?"

"Lintie told us you went," Gaen said, even though he'd already said that earlier, it wasn't new information. "Like went, like left."

Judit screwed up her face, still feeling groggy from her cranked-up sleep schedule.

"Whatever," she rejoined sourly. "I'm here now, aren't I? Just leave me alone. If you're going to lecture me about responsibility or whatever I don't want to hear it."

She started to turn back to face the wall, lifting the blanket over her shoulder.

"No," Lintie interjected quickly. "No. It's not that." She leaned forward, and her shadow shot up the wall to meet Merle and Gaen's.

Judit let the blanket drop, taking in their solemn faces, lost and confused.

They were all looking at her, severe, lined up against the wall like a jury of the damned. The light of the flickering flames played on their still faces, casting wet dots of light in the curve of their eyes.

"It's not that," Gaen echoed Lintie, his voice heavy, defeated, not looking at Judit. "It's–"

He hesitated, glanced at Merle. Her eyes moved from Judit to him and she nodded him to continue. The sister and brother shared a moment and he opened his mouth, hesitated again, then went on.

"It's not that at all, Judit. You don't understand. It's..."

Another pause, as if whatever was coming, whatever it was, was for some reason painful to say. Gaen swallowed, and looked at Lintie this time. She bit her lip and nodded too.

Gaen breathed in and went on.

"We want to come with you."