Wildlings

47: Other People's Ambition

It was only dagging Tish.

Why the skit would she be here? It would be a lie if Judit said part of her didn't expect, even hope—though perhaps subconsciously, she convinced herself—that Rama might turn up, at some point, stop this, stop her going away. That he would kiss her again, fill that yearning, tingling imprint he'd left the other night.

It was bad enough admitting that, here in this fluorescent-lit train station with Sannah, distraught, right next to her. But then for it to happen, but to be like this, with her, it was unbearable. So near, and so so far. All the guilt, all the loss, none of the joy.

"I'm sorry," Judit whispered again.

Sannah said nothing, just watched Tish and Rama as they approached across the empty forecourt.

"Who are they?" Sannah's voice was panicky. "I don't understand, Judit. I don't understand."

"It's my teacher." Judit didn't take her eyes off Rama. He was looking at her too. Sad, angry, disappointed. "And his girlfriend."

"Why are they here?" Sannah's voice was high, shaking. "Did Dr. William tell them?" She said this more to herself than Judit. God knows who Dr. William was.

"Judit."

Rama and Tish stopped, a metre away from Sannah and Judit, and the four took one another in. Tish was wearing an orange jumpsuit and fashionable, puffy coat, embroidered with mirrors. Her arms were folded over her chest and her face was blotchy and red, like she'd been crying. Her eyes flicked from Sannah to Judit to Rama. Rama didn't take his eyes off Judit.

"I'm taking you back." That authoritative tone again, steel hand, no velvet glove. You're not as nice as you think you are, Dr. Coale.

"Do you have somewhere to go?" He said this to Sannah, his voice gentle now. Dagging great. So he's not angry with her. Somehow this is only my fault.

Sannah didn't say anything, then, "Yes," quietly, defeated.

"We'll drop you off." Still so gentle.

"It's okay. I can walk."

"No, we'll drop you off. Come to the car, both of you."

Rama's car was the only one in the lot. I should have recognised it. Judit cursed herself. The girls got in the back, Sannah's head drooping. Rama and Tish got into the front, closed doors, pulled and clicked seatbelts.

"Where are you staying?" Judit could see Rama's ice-blue eyes in the rear view mirror. He was looking at Sannah.

She gave an address that Judit didn't recognise and they were off. Judit reached out, squeezed Sannah's hand on the seat between them. She squeezed back, weakly.

They pulled into a dirty, rough looking estate.

"Here's fine," Sannah said quickly.

Rama pulled up to let her out.

"I'm sorry, Sannah." It was Tish.

Why the hell was she getting involved? She didn't turn around as she spoke, just stared out of the windscreen.

"I'm really sorry. You have to understand. I do sympathise. I do. But I could get in trouble. And I need a good reference, to get a Lecturer job. I can't risk... The university..." She stopped.