Stella Academy: The Secret Society

Chapter 9

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         “So, how have you been doing since last time, Jessica?” Jo’s eyes are fixed on me as she with one hand taps a pen against the notebook in her other hand. Josephine Dalton is my psychiatrist, during our very first meeting she told me to call her Jo instead of miss Dalton; she wants me to feel as comfortable possible around her. I like her a lot, I’ve had a few shrinks over the past couple of years and some of them weren’t very good. But Jo is amazing, she don’t treat me like I’m crazy and about to blow up any second.

She raises an eyebrow at me, waiting for my reply but I’m not really sure how to answer. Since I was here two weeks ago, I have kissed Phoenix, accepted Frederick’s promise ring, avoided Phoenix, argued with Faye about my kiss with Phoenix, which led to Faye ignoring me with the exception of the occasional threat of her telling Fred about me and Phoenix.

         “I’ve been,” I hesitate, trying to find the right word, “decent,”

         “Why only decent?” Jo leans forward in her armchair, her arms placed on her knees.

         “I’ve been fighting with Faye, she won’t talk to me anymore,” I begin, it bothers me more than it should, but that’s mostly because I’m frightened she’ll tell on me.

         “What have you been fighting about?”

         “I told you about Phoenix, right? Well, him and I kind of kissed a week ago, and Faye walked in on us. She wanted me to tell Fred about it, but I didn’t. She’s mad at me for keeping it from him, she keeps threatening to tell him if I don’t do it soon,” Jo scribbles some notes in her notebook while I speak

         “I don’t want to take any sides here in this argument, but why didn’t you tell Frederick?” she asks.

         “I wanted to, I tried to tell him, but I chickened out. I’m scared, you know? I’m terrified that he’ll leave me, I don’t know what I'll do if I don’t have him with me. I did tell you how he helped me through a lot when we first got to know each other and began dating? He’s been there for me through everything. I regret kissing Phoenix, I really do, but I thought the kiss wouldn’t matter if I accepted Fred’s promise ring, but I feel even worse now.” Jo’s pen keeps scribbling notes, and once in a while she hums various agreeing noises, urging me to go on with my rant.

         “So you’re saying you don’t want to tell Fred because you think he’ll break up with you for having kissed another guy?”

         “I know what you’re thinking, Jo. ‘Why did you kiss another guy in the first place when you have a boyfriend?’ I can’t answer that question for you, because I really don’t know. Phoenix just does something to me; he affects me in a way I can’t describe to you. I can’t even describe it to myself. And I don’t think he’ll break up with me, I know he’ll do it, and I don’t know what I'll do without him.”

         “It sounds to me like you like Phoenix, am I right to make that assumption?” I nod, “But you also still love Frederick?”

         “Of course I do!”

         “Are you sure your fear of him leaving you isn’t just caused by your monophobia? The last time you were alone you ended up in a very bad place, you were depressed, cutting yourself and you even tried to take your own life. Then Frederick entered your life and everything got better, I believe you might connect the feeling of being happy with Frederick. You know, it’s like some people who are comfort eaters, when they’re sad they eat and then feel better afterwards. They begin eating every time even the slightest thing is wrong, and then they connect the food they eat with happiness. I may not be right of course, but from what you’ve told me about your relationship the past times you’ve been here, I believe this is what you’re doing with Frederick. He’s your comfort food, figuratively of course.”