I Walk The Line (A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

We managed to find an apartment in a small town near Bucharest. It only had only one room and it was completely empty, so at first we had to sleep on the floor. It would get pretty cold at night and we didn't have any blankets, so we decided to sleep next to each other so we wouldn't freeze to death. We couldn't get separate beds - Hell, we could barely afford one - so, after a few weeks, we got a large mattress. It sat in the corner of the room. It felt a bit awkward, sleeping together. I wasn't used to being close to other people. Now I had to snuggle up with someone every night.

We both had nightmares, but they weren't too bad. Mine was the usual - me killing my best friends - and Bucky had a few reoccurring ones. He'd usually sit up abruptly in the middle of the night, then lay back down a few minutes later. He never wanted to talk about it and I respected that. Besides, I didn't want to talk about my nightmares.

We were both constantly paranoid. We had a whole series of code phrases for any type of situation. I still carried a gun with me, and Bucky would still automatically try to snap the neck of anyone who came up to him behind his back and surprised him. We had taped old newspapers on some windows, and nailed wooden planks over others. The first few weeks we'd sleep in shifts, just in case. We were probably HYDRA's most wanted, and Bucky was also on SHIELD's list.

Getting a job was hard since none of us had actual qualifications. We assumed new identities and came up with bullshit backstories. Bucky got a job at a construction site quite quickly, and I got a waitressing gig only a week later. Things were looking up.

Bucky was quite a simple guy. He didn't need much of anything - food, water, things... his whole life had been cut down to bare minimum thanks to HYDRA. He wasn't used to owning stuff, eating freely, choosing even. It wasn't easy for him to adjust to the world. Technology confused him. There were new foods and he was convinced it was poison when I'd read him what it's made of. We lived in a poor neighbourhood, so he hasn't seen what the fashion looks like nowadays. That ought to be interesting.

He didn't talk much either. He was still used to HYDRA ways, and his habit would be a lot tougher to break, since he'd been under their control for a lot longer than I was. The only thing he seemed to be doing on his own was go to the bathroom, but after a while I realized even that was scheduled in his mind. The mere thought of that made me want to rip the walls out.

I could tell he was really trying to be normal, but it was hard. The simplest tasks, like pouring some cereal into a bowl, would end with a disaster. I would usually laugh it off and help him clean up. I had to be patient. He was also curious about everything, and since he mostly didn't talk, I tried to explain every new thing we'd stumble upon. I could tell he quite enjoyed it by the look on his face.

It was like when I wasn't allowed cigarettes during that undercover mission. I was used to smoking half a pack a day, then suddenly, none a day. Adjusting was hard, but eventually I stopped craving them. My hands stopped shaking after 3 months or so. But the anxiety attacks stayed, even now. Some things just don't change. I told Bucky all of this. I promised him he would get better. Maybe not completely, but still. I hate empty promises more than anything, so I was ready to do anything it takes to keep that one.