I Walk The Line (A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction)

Chapter 32

8am.

Thursday.

My head on his shoulder, his fingers drawing circles on my lower back.

My arm lays on his torso, our fingers intertwined. The metal is warm - I'd been holding his hand for hours.

His hair is damp from the sweat. It sticks to his forehead and temple. It is longer than mine. I got into a habit of wearing two hair ties on my wrist. In case he ever needs one.

The white linen sheets are on the floor, along with all our clothes. Usually, I'd get cold, but not this time.

He places a sloppy kiss on my forehead. His lips are still so red and puffy. He whispers a soft I love you, and I can feel my soul melting under his gaze. 

The second he finally gets up, despite my protesting, and goes to take a shower, I freeze. Miles is alive. 

The only time I didn't think about Miles was when I was with Bucky. And even then, he would sneak his way into my thoughts, and I did my best not to let it show. There was this weight in my stomach, guilt, sadness, fear even, eating me away. 

I tried so hard to convince myself that what I saw that day was just my mind playing tricks on me. A waking nightmare. Hallucination. Delusion. Anything. But my gut was telling me a whole different story. And I am very much used to trusting my gut above all. 

I was going insane. 

My only distraction from that realization was Bucky. His presence was the only thing keeping me grounded. 

I am aware it was too much to ask. To make him spend every waking moment with me. There were days I had to stop myself from dragging him to the bathroom with me, just to pee, for a minute. Even a minute alone felt like Hell in my mind. He was keeping me together, and the second he was gone, I could feel myself falling apart. And with my injured ankle and arm, I couldn't go on any missions, so Bucky had to take my place, meaning he was often away. 

He breaks my train of thought by opening the bathroom door, only minutes later.

"I was thinking", he says as he leans on the door frame, "there are many ways we can try and save the Earth, other than fighting crime and all that."

"We could go plant some trees or something if you wanna."

"I was thinking of something different."

"Like?"

He smiles widely and walks to the edge of the bed. He picks me up with ease - his metal hand is cold again, I can feel it on my thigh. The other hand, right under my armpit, is still warm. 

"We should save water and shower together." 

I could feel my smile swallowing my face. I couldn't even think of a witty comeback - all i said was: "God, I love you."

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After a late breakfast, Bucky ran off to the gym with Steve, and I headed down to medical, for a check up. It had been almost a week since the incident, and Bruce still hadn't updated me on my request. 

The initial embarrassment had passed - it took me a few days to convince myself that there's no shame in asking for help when you need it. My head was a mess, my thoughts were all over the place, and I knew I couldn't deny myself the help I so obviously needed. 

Bruce was waiting for me, his office door open wide. He was sat at his desk, looking over some papers. The second I came in, he got up and closed the door behind me firmly.