Just in my head

Fourth day of college

I don't understand what's happening, to be honest. The environment is less like a college and more like a school, but the whole scenario of school seemed much easy-going and cool. College is cool, but I don't know, I really don't have that carefree attitude yet that college students usually do.

What's bothering me, I do not know, but it's not the same feeling that I had in school.

The people here are cool, but somehow I don't feel that I could connect with them like I connected with my school friends.

Perhaps because it's only been four days, but more importantly because my school friends didn't turn out the way I thought they would.

I thought that we'd stick together, but here we are, I don't know what came in way, perhaps ego or perhaps because they didn't need me the way I needed them.

Perhaps they didn't love me the way I loved them. They always said that they loved me and I never said it back, that kind of pissed them off, but now I realize that even though I didn't say that I loved them, but it turns out that I loved them more than they ever loved me.

It turns out that they weren't as attached to me as I got to them, and the worst part is that I didn't realize that I loved them so, and I was attached to them so much, and now, when they have seemed to have gone forever, I realize that Ioved them and that I got really very attached to them.

This is the part that hurts the most; I never once got to tell them that I got really emotionally attached to them, that I loved them.

It's too late, now.

Perhaps this is the reason that I don't really have that intuition that I could connect with anyone from college like those friends of mine.

Perhaps it's because I don't want to get attached to anyone, anymore.

I've always hated feelings and emotions because the moment feelings come along; I know that I might get attached, and if they leave; that hurts me.

I want to be that person that is attached to nothing and no one.