Good And Gone || The Maze Runner

|| Chapter 20 ||

"I can't keep going, can't keep going on like this
They make me sick and I get so sick of it
'Cause they won't let me, they won't let me breathe
Why can't they let me be?"

I had spent the night in Newt's tent with him, along with Chuck sleeping on the floor. I couldn't sleep that much and everytime I didn't you to, I just would see visions. But I didn't want to see them and watch what I used to be apart of, I didn't want to see it. In the middle of the night I quietly stood up trying not to wake Newt, which was hard because his arm was around me.

I quietly walked around Chuck and just walked around his tent. I opened the latch of the tent and slipped outside staring at the open Maze. I sat down in the grass with my thoughts, my regretful and saddening thoughts just crying and wishing I could change what I used to do.

"Char?" I heard a voice, it was Newt. I sniffled and stood up turning around to face him, he walked towards me but I backed up. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you love me?" I asked, tears cascading down my cheeks one after the other.

"You ask and I give you the same answer-"

"You had a chance to keep the past where it was but you still wanted to go back... Why?"

"Because, You see things and combat them in a way that nobody else does. You see the goodness and the other side to everyone's story, you have a different perspective."

"Newt, you shouldn't love me."

"No, don't say that." He said stepping forward but I stepped back again.

"Why love me? I'm a monster Newt!" I raised my voice. "Im helping them test you, I created this place, I put you in this place, I helped them do those horrible things too you while I stood and watched. I watched you in pain and agony. But I couldn't do anything, yet you still always said you loved me. I still don't understand why." I cried to him.

"You say your a monster but your not. Monsters are people with bad intentions and you aren't. You weren't a monster then and you aren't a monster now." He said raising his voice slightly. "You may have stood and watched but that was because they controlled you. You couldn't have possibly done anything else alright? The people we were back then don't exist anymore, maybe a little but this is a different time. Move on from the past and just live now. I still love you and that's all that matters alright? I loved you then and I love you now and it's so hard to explain why. I just know that I do."

He stepped forward slightly and I didn't move. He slowly moved forward until he reached me. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before sliding his hand to the back of my head and pulling me into him for a hug while I just cried.

"I don't know what they did to you... I wish I did, I can't stand seeing you so broken." He whispered to me.

"I guess we are all just a little broken at some points. Some are fixed up while others are still cracking and breaking even more." I said. "But someone who is broken, can never be fully repaired."

"What you might have done to me, they did to everyone else including you. You aren't the only one. You never had an bad intentions, they might have or maybe just the right ideas but wrong actions. But you... You never believed in any of that, they made you follow their orders. You didn't have a choice, they controlled everything about you. You are a victim of them now, along with everyone else."

"I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I'm tired, so tired of playing their game. Their wicked little game. I just wish they would tell us why we are here and bring us back home. If we even have a home anymore."