RAISON D'ÊTRE ( bucky barnes ) 一 under editing

SEVENTH

RAISON D'ÊTRE
SEVENTH

HE REMAINED UNCONSCIOUS HOURS later, and Rome had stayed by his side the entire time. She would continuously fix minuscule things, hoping that even in his unconscious state, he'd be comfortable. She fluffed his pillow, pulled the blanket to reach his stomach, brushed the hair out of his face, et cetera. The witch had known that these events would wipe them and basically reprogram him, but she'd never expected it be so horrifying or even how long he'd stay like this. But Rome had stayed either way, watching him from across the room and sitting on the ground. Her knees were pulled to her chest, her arms wrapping around them tightly.

She couldn't help but think that this was her fault. Pierce had warned her not to get close, to treat this like any normal assignment, and yet she couldn't. Unlike the other HYDRA operatives, Rome had retained her soft heart 一 she stayed kind and loving and comforting. And because of that, she still managed to feel something good when she looked at her soldier. She didn't want to admit that Pierce was right, that she did feel something for him. Because she still had some goodness left in her, that left her open to these supposed weaknesses. Her soldier was like this because of her, and she hated herself for it.

She didn't want to fall in love with him, not at first. It'd simply been to make another friend, to have irregularity in her horrendous schedule, and that's what he became 一 sort of. The Winter Soldier hadn't been a friend exactly, but he'd been her breath of fresh air. Around him, she felt like she could breathe. Somewhere along the way, it had started to morph into something like love. She'd felt it, in the longing stares and gentle touches and their reading sessions. It didn't matter to her that he was a trained assassin with dozens of kills under his belt, only that he stayed in her life. Rome needed him in her life 一 whether as friend or a lover, it didn't matter, as long as he was with her.

A long time ago, she had been as merciless as him. A killer. Unlike him, she killed for her own agenda, to protect the people she called mind. Never mind her reasons, it still didn't make up for the fact that she had blood stained on her hands. Her and her cousins had done rather ugly things in their past, things she'd long since buried and wanted to forget, but Pierce had uncovered them. He found out, she'd seen the files herself, but all the information about who had told them was redacted. How? Of course, there were hundreds and thousands of different supernaturals, but not many of them knew the truth about her, Aline, and Maggie. She had no doubt in her mind that there must have been a few who had joined HYDRA, but none of them knew her past. The only people who did were dead or would never have joined a group such as this. Besides, Aline and Maggie had sworn to never reveal their disastrous and ugly pasts to the public, and the only human who had known was Aline's soulmate, a sweet girl by the name of Madelaine, but she died fifty years ago at the hands of an extremist witch group, one who despised her cousins' existence.

A sharp gasp shocked her out of her thoughts, and Rome's knees dropped from her chest. She managed to push herself up from the floor just as the Winter Soldier bolted up. He let out a few soft pants, fists tightly clenching the blanket now bunched at his hips. His blue eyes were looking around erratically, as if he was trying to make sense of anything.

Rome made sure to advance towards him slowly, like a wounded animal. She had no idea what to expect, so she spoke in a quiet, soft tone. "Are you all right?"

He whirled around towards her, eyes wide with a mixture of surprise and fight. It looked like he hadn't been expecting someone else to be at his side, as if he'd always done this alone. When Rome took another step towards him, he suddenly lunged. He moved faster than she expected, jumping off the bed and slamming her back, his hand around her throat. Rome let out a cry when her spine hit the wall. She noticed that he wasn't squeezing but he still had a tight enough grip on her throat, as a precautionary warning. Their eyes met and she felt like crying once again. It was the same set of blue eyes that she adored, that either matched the sky or a harsh steel.

"Hey, it's okay." Her voice remained quiet and she made sure to move slowly, to show him that she meant no harm. One of her hands moved to touch his, the one secured around her throat. "Soldier, you're okay. It's okay, I'm here." Rome nodded, tears once again brimming in her eyes. "Don't break my heart and tell me you've forgotten me." Rome gave him a smile, a gentle and hopeful one. The witch didn't believe in any sort of god, but she prayed to one now 一 Let him remember him, any part of me. Please.

His hand dropped from her neck, moving to his side, and he turned his back to her. Rome watched as his shoulders rose and dropped with each sharp breath he took, his muscles tensing underneath his shirt. One of his hands moved to hold against his chest. "I'm sorry." He sounded frustrated with himself, shaking his head. "I..." He trailed off, barely able to speak.

"It's not your fault." Rome remained against the wall, chewing on the inside of her cheek. It's mine, she wanted to say, but she had no idea how he'd react.

Looking over his shoulder, his blue eyes shone with a sadness she never expected to see in him. "But..." he started, brows furrowed, "I remember a story." He moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "There was... a girl and... a smiling cat. But... not you." His metal hand shot out, slamming his fist against the wall.

Rome jumped in surprise, biting her lip. Her footsteps weren't loud, but she made sure that he knew she was moving towards him. "That's all right," she said kindly, kneeling in front of him. She tried to peer up at his face, but his dark hair had moved to hide him. "Maybe... maybe I can help?"

"How?"

Would one of the spells she was working on help? She hadn't tried any of them out yet, she hadn't had the time. There were just so many of them to choose from and try but maybe this time would be different. This wipe had been so fresh, hours new, so hopefully this would be easier to chip away at rather than all the wipings that had occurred over the many decades. "Do you trust me?" she asked.

"Yes," was his immediate response and he was surprised at himself. It was almost instinct 一 why? He couldn't remember this woman, not clearly at least, but there was something within him that said he could trust her. Whoever this woman was, she was a part of his life.

"Then let me help you." Rome's hands lifted up and he nearly grabbed them, almost flinching as her fingertips touched his temples. But he allowed her to do it, hearing her start to mutter something underneath her breath. It sounded like Latin, but he couldn't be sure. While her eyes were shut, he could see they were buzzing underneath her eyelids. He liked that her nose scrunched up in concentration; truth be told, he found it adorable. But then it hit him 一 Rome. It was like a flash within his brain, a figure walking into his room and speaking with a voice all too gentle for someone of HYDRA. There wasn't anything much, just simple flashes and sparks, but it meant something. He liked her, he trusted her.

When he blinked again, he pulled away from her touch. Rome's hands fell back down, one hand at her side and the other resting on her knee. "Soldier?" she asked, leaning towards him.

He couldn't fight the grin that made its way onto his features. "Thank you, Rome."

Rome sighed, giving a small giggle. "Oh, thank God," she said, and launched herself at him. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled to herself, hugging him tightly. "It worked. Thank God, it worked."

A/N: just to clear this up, the
reason that bucky could (sorta)
remember rome is because the
way i'm imagining it in my head is
that each time hydra wipes his
memories, it's more of a barrier
that was put up. because of how
new the memory wipe/barrier, it was
easier to break down/chip away at
part of it unlike with his older
memories

also, i'm now 18 and officially
an adult and can i just say, i
still feel like i'm twelve