RAISON D'ÊTRE ( bucky barnes ) 一 under editing

THIRTY-FIRST

RAISON D'ÊTRE
THIRTY-FIRST

SHE STAYED UP ON THE ROOF for a while longer, with Steve silently keeping her company as she did. They didn't need to exchange any words, just basking in the silence and watched as the sun before them started to set. The sky morphed into shades of orange and purple and pink, all of them a lovely mismatch of color against the blue canvas. But all the while Rome couldn't find the beauty in it, instead sadly looking off into the distance and chewing anxiously on the inside of her cheek. She hated what she'd said to Aline, hated what Aline had said back to her, and Rome shut her eyes. It had gone so far off the rails and she wanted to scream. Of course she hadn't expected them to meet up and be happy, to embrace each other tightly and promise to never let each other ago, but it still hurt. Why did she have to think and say such hateful things?

Finally, she cleared her throat and used the back of her head to wipe the leftover tears from her face. Rome turned to Steve, who stood awkwardly at her side. "I'm going to go back downstairs," she said slowly, "maybe rest. It's... been a long day." She didn't wait for Steve's reply, instead already moving towards the door and down the metal stairs. Her feet thudded against each step, and she tried to keep her movements silent as she walked. But Aline wasn't anywhere in sight, and Rome was thankful for that. She didn't want to start another fight nor let Aline see her cry again.

The witch walked back into their previous room, spotting Bucky more or less in the same spot as he'd been in previously. He looked better, she thought, eyes a little lighter and not as desolate as before. He smiled at her briefly, but frowned when he saw the current state in which Rome was in. His girlfriend's cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes were red, golden honey hair covering her face. Bucky pushed himself off the ground and pulled Rome to him, cupping her face when she tried to avoid his stare. "Rome," he whispered, noticing the tiny flinch when he said her name, "what happened?" 

Rome shook her head vigorously, pressing her hands against his sides. Her fingers curled in the material of his shirt, and she noticed how much she was shaking at this point. "Aline and I, we finally talked and..." She slammed her forehead against his chest, heaving a sigh. "Was I right to abandon her? I left her when she needed me and I had just left her and 一"

One of Bucky's hands moved to cup the back of her head, and he pressed his lips against her hair. He shushed her gently, tucking her head under his chin. Rome was a rather tall woman, but he liked that she was just short enough where he could tuck her neatly against his body and hold her close.

"I don't know how I couldn't see this," Rome said, squeezing her arms around his body. It sounded more as if she was talking to herself now. "Oh, God, what was I thinking when I left? That she was just having a temper tantrum?" She bit her lip. She hadn't realized how much pain Aline had been in all these years since their talk on the roof, and it made her want to weep harder. It made her feel even more nauseous than she'd been feeling for weeks. "I'm such an idiot! I'm a fool for even 一"

"No, you're not," Bucky cut her off, once again kissing her head. "You did what you thought was right."

She moved to look up at him. "Tell me what was right with leaving behind a girl, your own family, when she needed you most?" Rome asked rhetorically. "Aline had loved Madelaine with all her heart and when she died, it was as if I were just a figure in the background. Instead of helping Aline, I watched and let her crumble. God, I was so cruel to her." She sniffled, shaking her head and tightening her grip on his sides. "How can you stand to be around me, knowing what I've done? Knowing that I've done something so cruel to my own family?"

Bucky gently led her to a large crate pushed against the wall, sitting atop it and pulling Rome to settle in his lap. He took her hands in his, his hands completely enveloping her much smaller ones. He marveled at the delicateness of her fingers, the smoothness of her skin, and at the pretty jeweled right sitting on her pinky. Bucky lifted one of her hands up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. "I stand beside you because... because I know you regret it. Because if you were given a second chance, a chance to correct your mistakes, you'd do it. You'd right your wrongs and stand beside your family. Why do you stay with me after you know everything I've done?"

Rome leaned to the side so her temple was pressed against his collarbone. "Because I know it wasn't your fault," she said to him, smiling softly. "That was HYDRA's fault, and if you could take it back, you would."

"Exactly. We both regret our pasts but if you think about it, none of this," he gestured slowly to himself and Rome, "would have happened. If you never left, I wouldn't have met the woman I love. If I never became who I was, who knows what Pierce would've done with you." He sighed, looking down at their conjoined hands, which sat idly in Rome's lap. "What I'm trying to say is... yes, we have done bad things but that doesn't make us bad people and these things have led us to the greatest things in our lives. It led me to finding someone I truly love, to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and hopefully... it led you to someone you want to spend the rest of your life with."

While he may not have been technically proposing, Rome still greatly understood the implications of his words and it made her smile big. She loved Bucky, so much she wanted to weep with joy, and she sniffled quietly. "It has," Rome sighed. "It honestly has. It's led me to the greatest man I've ever met, the only one I've thought of spending my life with." She's loved before countless times, but none of them had ever been as serious as her relationship with Bucky and she meant it. But it hurt to know that they wouldn't have forever together; because her lifeline was forever connected to Aline and Maggie's, her and Bucky would not have as long as they'd hoped.

But she pushed those negative thoughts away and Rome leaned further into his touch, pressing her forehead against his jaw. "I love you, Rome," he said to her, moving to kiss her forehead. Then his lips moved to press delicate kisses against her cheeks, the slope of her nose, her jaw, before finally settling on her lips. "And there won't ever be a thing that will change my mind. No one and nothing can or will ever stop me from loving you."

Rome bit her lip. "And I you."

A/N: my cute bbys :')

also i wanted to clear something up real quick
because contrary to popular belief i do read|
the comments!! so a lot of people don't like
aline, and yeah that was to be expected but that
was also the point?? recently (as of 2/16/21) i
made a little announcement on my profile that
there was a reason behind me writing aline & rome so
differently in each other books, so i'm gonna clarify
it here because there is like actually a lot of
comments of how people don't like aline.

(1) in P&T, we meet aline and she's angry; she's
angry at not just rome, but at everything for giving
her a shitty life and as a part of her story, it's her
learning to accept this anger and accepting her life
for what it is. she's struggling to move on and even
though she's a thousand years old, she was turned
when she was still young so she's going to be
immature. but because of this journey, she focuses
a lot on how people have wronged her, specifically
rome & maggie (her sister). (2) in RD, rome is more
guilt ridden because of what happens & hates herself f
or harming people she loves, and part of her story
is accepting that what she did was good not just for
her own safety but also for her own mental health.

these stories are two perspectives of a story, and
usually when we hear arguments or stories like
this, we tend to hear only one side. when we do
hear both sides, they're conflicting because each
party feels something different about what happened.
it may not seem like it makes a whole lot of sense,
but just know that this is only part of the reason why
i wrote these stories the way i did (the others are
much too complicated & long). and obvi i'm not
excusing what either of them did, because like yes,
aline killed people & rome abandoned her, but
i am just explaining stuff. hope this helps explain
things for you!!