HeartBreaker | Book 1

Late Night Thoughts

Chapter Fourteen
Late Night Thoughts

I walk into my cold apartment and slump into my squishy coach beside the apartment window.

The reality of what had just happened; all that was said, all that was done started setting in and leaving a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I've told Desirae things tonight that I've never told anyone in my life, but she had a way of making me feel safe. It was like she filled a hole in my life I didn't know I had.

This is bad, really bad.

It was like she had some type of hold on me, hypnotising me. I told her everything I'm too afraid to even admit to herself, just to see her smile.

I've been a stranger to love and I'm okay with that. Love does exist in the world, but it isn't meant for people like me.

It's a miserable feeling.

I can feel myself falling for her.

Falling in love with someone who'll never love me back... or maybe she will?

But I'm not sure I want her to.

I look out the window into the colourful city brought to life by the bright lights flashing on the concrete buildings.

I feel numb for a moment, my mind stops racing for the first time in an hour or so.

It's a loud Friday night, I'm thankful that I have the sound of loud drunk people outside my apartment to drown out the noise in my head; I'd rather sleep to that, than the sound of my thoughts.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had a plan of what's to happen in the future, accidents, tragedies and maybe even opportunities if I'm honest with myself.

But never did I ever plan to have someone with me to share it all with.

I've never been so confused and uncertain about the future and so conflicted between doing what's right for the wrong reasons and wrong for the right reasons.

Things get complicated when feelings get in the way, but that's exactly what I let happen.

I've always had control in my life, strong control that nobody could take away from me; that's until I met Desirae.

I close my eyes relieving the moment she hugged me, her sweet scent still lingering on my clothing.

Who am I becoming? Where am I going? Why am I allowing this girl into my life despite being so keen to keep her out a few weeks ago?

Why her? How could she get into the locked chamber of my heart that I tossed the key to?

The world to me has always been a world full of strangers, but never did I ever think, that I'd be a stranger to myself.