HeartBreaker | Book 1

Truth

Chapter Thirty

Truth

It's an early Sunday morning.

I'm sitting in the dark corner of Brioche café waiting for a certain someone to arrive.

I've had 3 cups of coffee to keep me awake, battling the fact that I had zero sleep last night.

I still feel horrible after everything that went down yesterday. The fight, how I acted, the things I said... what I did.

I sent multiple text messages that went unnoticed and phone calls unanswered; but I don't blame Desirae. I wouldn't forgive myself after all I did either.

After one sleepless night where I let guilt consume me; I agreed to finally meet with my mother and talk things out.

I need to let her know that I need her in my life, before it's too late.

I don't know if I'm only doing this so I could project my guilt onto someone else or because I just need someone to talk to.

This misery is just too overwhelming to bottle up.

I check my watch; 8:15AM.

She should be here in 15 minutes.

I'm feeling all kinds of nerves and shakiness but perhaps that's due to the coffee.

I stare at the empty table by the window where Desirae and I would sit as the sun shone through.

What I would give to go back to that time.

It was indeed glorious, I had everything I ever needed; I just wish I knew.

It's true what they say; 'you never realise what you've got until it's gone.'

It's not until now, that I appreciate the person Desirae has been for me all along.

Out of everyone in the buddy project; I got partnered with the greatest person to ever walk this earth and I let her get away without telling her how much I loved her, until it was too late.

I should've told her sooner; but the truth is, I was so busy trying to convince myself that I didn't love her to even realise she loved me.

The fact that she spent countless sleepless nights tossing and turning, wondering why I didn't love her back, brings me to tears.

She shouldn't have to say it; I should've known.

Desirae and I were both afraid to love, we let our painful past dictate that; but I should've shown it, instead of being a stone-cold asshole.

She didn't deserve that.

I wish I could tell her how much I regret it all.

Just because I don't understand what it is like to have dreams and aspirations, doesn't mean I have the right to crush hers.

I shouldn't have made her choose between myself and her dreams; as if it were a competition.

A woman walks towards my table; disrupting my very depressing thoughts.

It's my mother.

She looks even better in the daylight.

Her bright blue eyes and wavy platinum blonde hair shone and her skin glowed in her caramel-coloured trench coat.

"Is this seat taken?" she asks softly.

I shake my head and motion for her to sit opposite to me.