HeartBreaker | Book 1

Pastries & Art

Chapter Sixteen
Pastries & Art

I wake up at 6AM Saturday morning.

I preheat the oven and I begin rolling the pastries.

By 8AM, I've made a batch of 8 above-average chocolate eclairs and about 12 crummy ones, but I won't think too much about those.

Usually, waking up early is something I'm never eager to do, in fact I dread it above most things; but dessert-making is something that I could never get bored of.

It's something that is worth waking up 6AM for.

Some people can sing, some people can draw, but me; if there's anything I'm not useless at, it's dessert making.

I'm actually quite good; that part I assume would surprise most people, considering it surprised the only person I've ever told. Desirae.

The person I'm seeing this afternoon, the very person I'm making these eclairs for.

Every time that thought runs through my mind sparks of excitement and slight fear shoot up my stomach as well as the sickening feeling of having hundreds of butterflies released in my gut.

I've tried all morning, to convince myself that I was excited to see Desirae, just so I could prove her wrong and shove my deliciously perfect eclairs in her face; but the truth is, I don't know if it's that, I'm most excited for.

There's something about waking up on a fine Spring morning and not feeling miserable about my life; doing something that fulfils me for someone I don't hate.

Since our conversation the other night; Desirae's been the only thing on my mind.

Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I actually miss her.

Her scent, her smile, her eyes, her freckles, her laugh, the way she makes me feel; safe.

Not 'safe' as in; 'she'll protect me from everything harmful,' but a safe that is like an amniotic tranquillity, like being indoors during a thunderstorm.

Even though I will have my cloudy days, Desirae won't stop them or make them go away, but she'll be with me and for me; that's enough.

More than enough actually. She makes me feel a comfort that I haven't felt in a long time.

It's hard to keep up my stone-cold shell I've plastered around myself around Desirae when I feel like there's nothing to fear of her.

Not even heartbreak.

You don't realise how comforting human contact with the right person is until you live in isolation for 13 years.

But for once in my life, I don't feel guilty for letting myself become vulnerable around someone.

Now that I look back, heartbreak is a perfectly rational fear, but I've let it cripple me.

I tried so hard to keep Desirae and myself strangers with no connection whatsoever.

These past couple of days gave me time to think and reflect on where this is going.

We've evolved from strangers with a one-sided forced relationship to... well I don't really know what we are.

There's a feeling I have for her but I don't know what it is.

It's not a strong connection that I'd call a friendship. I haven't had many friends but I know in order to be a friend to someone, you need to care for them.

Don't get me wrong, admittedly, I do care for Desirae, but not enough to call her my friend. I guess that makes me an asshole.

But there is definitely something there. And its freeing and exciting to see where it's going to go. Because for now anyway, it seems like the only place I am going.