Love, Nina

Entry 2

ENTRY 2

I didn't expect he'd be an animal. I was like a prey to a predator. He left cuts and bruises all over my body and he moaned a lot. I was so pissed when he was kissing me all over. He was fucking intimate and it disgusted me. I hate romance and shit. They don't exist. Why? The word 'divorce' exists so why would I believe in happily ever after? Rubbish.

My female genitalia felt pain, but good pain. He wasn't that bad. He made me reach my orgasm twice and it's okay. He wasn't likeable so I'll probably forget all about him after a week. I just need to get better from that sex so I can move on to another man.

I need to swipe again but I have school work. I seriously despise my Calculus professor. He was very loud like a parent. He's probably lonely that's why. He can be very bossy and cocky most of the time. He gives me tons of headaches. That loser needs a life.

I popped a Tylenol so I can feel better. My head is pounding from all that vodka and sex. I wasn't that careless. I wasn't supposed to sleep over but I can't walk from all that exercise. I haven't had some since high school. I was busy with everything and my mom tags along with me most of the time.

Lucas was my boyfriend and he's my first. He isn't that memorable, but still I can remember everything we did. He was like a drug to be honest. My body craved for him like water to my dry throat. He can relieve that tough itch in my body. He was like a lightning bolt who can send a thousand of electric shocks inside my body. He was my pain reliever. He made me feel better. I don't know if it was love because I know I wasn't capable of loving.

Have you had that moment? When you doubt whether you feel was love or lust or just nothing? It was disappointing when you realize it's not. Sometimes you wish it's all real but it's not. Believe me, I used to wonder if Lucas was my first love. He wasn't.

When he found another girl, I wasn't hurt. I just moved on to another one. His name's Kyle. He's from the soccer team and he got these pointy football shoes that he just throws in the corner of his room when we get in there. He has a habit of triple locking his door to prevent his uncle from entering. He lives with his uncle because his parents died in a car crash.

Kyle is different from Lucas. He wasn't able to bring me electric shocks I need in my body. He was rough and athletic. He loves hurting me. He pulled my hair a lot and I grew fond of it. He would screw me in my school uniform and we're done. We don't get naked because he's afraid that I might leave some of my stuff in his room.

He's a neat freak that's why.

After writing this entry, I'd go back being plain Nina who's just in somebody else's background. Right? Would you notice me if you see me in public? Would you? If ever you notice me, just give me a venti pumpkin spiced latte, okay?

Love, Nina