Love, Nina

Entry 28

ENTRY 28

I need to save my cousin. Sylvia trusted me with this secret and now I have to do this. Once again, I will destroy a man who ruined a woman.

I still have to solve the mystery about Monica's baby... or if the baby ever existed. I have to know, or else, my conscience will forever haunt me down. Last week, I had a chat with Raymond through e-mail. He went back to New York to resume his job. He was hesitang to e-mail me at first, but he eventually did.

He was persistent on knowing who might've been involved with his sister. He's asking a list of men she dated which I actually I don't know. It's been 8 months since I met her in the library. I never even had a conversation with her. I don't what made me attached to her mystery.

Was it really because of her, or my sense of justice? I actually don't know. My mind is filled with negativity. I don't even know what to do first. It's only two months left before summer vacation and I have to study for exams or else my mom would probably kill me if I get a B.

I sighed. The people associated with me are all full negativity. They all have dilemmas need fixing. I can't fix them all. I can't and I won't. I almost got caught when Prof. Simmons hired a an IT expert to track down the person who sent him spyware and malware. Of course, I'm good that's why I was able to prevent the guy from finding me.

I won't do that again. I probably need a different approach.

I won't stop. Why? Like what I said in my previous entry, he messaged female students to have a one-on-one session with him. He's a disgusting pig and if only I can destroy him. He's a difficult one to handle. Why again?

Because he's from an affluent family. His power in the university is known that's why students can't reject, plus the fact that he's seriously good looking. I don't know why most women prefer older guys. I can't deal with that shit. God, the loose skin? I can't handle that.

He'll probably finish in 10 minutes while I have to work on ny own orgasm. Men like him ate the reason why women are still oppressed in this society. Pigs like him are still lurking around.

So back to Sylvia, she told that she stopped attending the same debate team that guy's in. She's afraid to face him after what he did. Of course, why would you wanna see the face pf your rapist? It makes me clench my teeth just by thinking about it. It scares me.

Actually I'm scared of myself. Why? Because I don't know to what extent would I stop on punishing the guy who assaulted my cousin. I don't know if I can even stop. I don't know what damage can I bring him. It scares me.

I'm scared at what I can do. I actually am so afraid.

"Nina? Are you okay?" Trisha asked while drying her hair. I just smiled at and pretended to do my homework while hacking the rapist's emails. The spyware successfully got in his computer.

"Yeah. I just need to finish my term paper. It's due tomorrow." She just nodded and kept on drying her hair while watching some stupid vines on youtube. I hate Vines.

"You should keep it slow, Nina." Then she smiled and I suddenly remembered Jackson lying on her bed, crying his heart out. Does she even know her boyfriend cried? Does she even feel his pain. Trisha is the kind of person who's in for the moment. She doesn't care about your shit as long as she's happy. I kinda see that in her.

"Thanks. I'm okay. I just need to keep myself in Dean's list or my mom would be disappointed." I told her and her eyes softened.

"It actually scares me to hear my mother's expectations of me, Nina. I'm scared because I don't fit her standards. I'm always lacking in something. Do all mother think like that? You're lucky you're smart. For people like me who's average-minded, it's difficult." She bitterly smiled and went back on fixing her hair.

I don't know what to say. Are mothers really like that? I guess not. Sylvia's mom is cool and she doesn't expect anything from her. I want that. I don't want to disappoint the peiple arpund me.

"I'm not really that smart to be honest. I'm just... I study till my nose bleeds. I study till my eyes are worn out. I study to the point of hunger. Desperation is what drives me to become like this. I am the class valedictorian in my prep school and it sets the bar higher for me." I told her. She stopped watching on her tablet and sat beside me on my bed.

I closed the lid of my laptop.

"You're amazing. Maybe I need to get pointers from you?" She giggled.

"Yeah, you should. Anyways, what I'm doing isn't healthy at all. I'm toxic. My life is full of pressure, I can't even breathe. You should just keep the way you are, as long as you're happy." She just smiled.

"I'm scared, Nina. I'm afraid Jackson might propose soon after graduation. It's not that I don't love him, but I think I'm ruining his chances at life. He's really smart and he has a promising future, but... his plans always depend on me." Okay, she's opening up too much.

"Then tell him. You have to let him know. Jackson loves you obviously. You should put faith on him." I told her. She just smiled and went back to her bed, ready to sleep. I don't know ehy she dried and brushed her hair that shiny when she's already going to bed, but yeah she did.

"Thank you, Nina. Sometimes I feel like you're actually the senior at life. You're always on point. Good night." She turned off her lamplight and went to sleep.

I checked my laptop and finally, I was able to access his mails and Facebook account.

How should I start, Jeremy Sanders? How? You'll see very soon.

Love, Nina.